Empathy in parenting

Yesterday afternoon and evening Conley screamed so much and kept yell-crying and accidentally hurting himself, and then yell-crying more. He was in such a bad mood and really tired. It was driving me crazy and thinking time weren't really helping a ton. He was yelling and hitting the door, and both Joseph and I lost patience with him.

I'm reading The Danish Way of Parenting, and it's so amazing. One thing the authors argue is that empathy in parenting is really important, one of the six most important things of being a happy parent in raising happy children. I read just a snippet of it last night, and it was so timely. From it I got the idea to look at pictures of different faces showing different emotions with Conley and to talk about what each person was feeling, why, how we could help them. But first we said that it was OK to be feeling that way. I asked him why he was feeling frustrated the day before. He said he didn't know. I asked him to tell me when he feels frustrated, so that I could give him a hug (because he said that would help him). So we did that today. Talking about and practicing empathy for others seemed to be really helpful. This morning he was getting frustrated and fire in his eyes, like he was going to push my or Eloise's buttons or disobey or yell. I asked him to come sit on my lap. I tickled his arms and legs and told him to unrelated stories. That physical affection and attention turned the ENTIRE DAY AROUND. I swear.

I asked him what he was feeling throughout the day, and I asked him what I could do to help him accomplish what he wanted to do, and things like that. And it worked so well. We had a great day together.

Eloise's birthday

Eloise turned two today. It was a special day. When you'd say "Happy Birthday" to her, she'd respond, "Hap Boo-day!" like it were a greeting or something. And she'd point up to the tissue paper banner we put over the bar separating the kitchen from the family room. I wanted her to feel special and loved all day. I tried to hold her when she wanted me to and play with her and follow her around when she'd pull my finger. She just likes being up and seeing what I'm doing, especially in the kitchen. She wants to know what's being cooked and how it's been cooked.

Conley was so sweet to her. He said, "I want to make Eloise more presents." (We'd written/drawn/colored a book for her and glued some sticks together to make a "house," but he wanted to do more work on that; also, it was his idea to write a book for her. It was about airplanes, "because she loves 'em.")

Eloise loved the park. I'd made blueberry muffins and washed strawberries, and we met Mai and Cho Cho (and their families) at Hanscom Park. Besides the park being kind of dirty and grungy, it was a great time--after we picked up some trash. The kids loved it and the equipment was original and nice. Eloise wanted to do swings a lot of the time, and everyone loved the muffins. She kept saying, "Mommy! LLLook! Mommy! LLLooKKK!" so deliberately. She says that even if I'm looking. It's so funny. She also kept calling Graham "Gam." And she'd also say, "Donny, Look!" to Conley.

I made her a cake. Yesterday I took her on a "date" while Conley was at Thomas's house. Man, it was so fun. She picked a Confetti cake and strawberry frosting. And I got a "2" candle; it was green. I applied the cake-making tips from Sarah Broat, and wow, they worked! The cake was the best I've ever frosted! It stayed together and all that. Anyway, about yesterday, I just love spending time with her one on one. I realized in the last few weeks how different my attention to her is as compared to my attention to Conley when he was her age. I equally adore them, but my focus during her life has still largely been on Conley--we go to the park because he wants to, we do an activity because it's good for him, etc. I am going to add more focus on Eloise, her desires and her development. It helps Conley too. And even if it doesn't, she deserves and needs that, and I need to show her that attention. (I'll add, she still seems totally fine, despite kind of being a tag-along rather than the main event or whatever...)

We got her little girl makeup. It's real, but mild: lipstick, roll-on perfume, and lip gloss. And she put it in her special backpack after opening it. She also got a microphone and a bunch of clothes; Conley's book, and a book about women in the BoM from Aunt Jamie. She was delighted with all of them.

I said this during Rose and Rose while eating cake: every day of her life she has simply delighted me. She has brought laughs and smiles to my face and so much buoyant joy to my heart. She's an angel. She's funny. She's so cute. I love her so much. She and Conley are my world. Thinking about her as a tiny baby...she was just so sweet and good. She loved snuggles and still does. I love that about her. She just melts into you when you hold her. And she stays so close when you sleep with her.

I just adore having a girl. She lights up my life. I love spending time with her, and I want to spend time with her my whole life and her whole life.

Lately with Conley

I tell you what WOW. Conley  has been an angel among angels lately. I love him so much. I went to  ABQ this last weekend for Nohemi's wedding, and I missed him so so so much, more than Joseph or Eloise--although I missed them a whole lot too.

Today Eloise was grumpy and crying in the car, and Conley saw some coins. She loves coins ("Mon-nee, mon-nee!") and so he picked up a quarter and handed it to her, "Here, Eloise. Money!"

On the phone while in ABQ, he said, "I miss you, Mom! When you are coming back?!" He melts me.

And he ran up to me when I cam to Beth's to pick him up when I got home from the airport. He usually hides because he doesn't want to leave her house.

He came in this morning with Joseph's lasso around his shoulder and a cowboy  hat on his head and said, "Mom, I need a cowgirl."

He helped me load the dishwasher today and loved it.

He loves snuggling with me. He says things like, "I want you!" He wants one more story. He loves listening to stories.

Close call today

I feel numb and humble and shaky in my heart; Conley almost got hit by a car today. I feel like the emotions that would have been there had he been hit, are there, because I really thought he was going to get hit. It was sooo close. He came out behind a fence and put his brakes on. And if he hadn't he would have gotten hit right then by a car. It scared me to death. Scared the life out of me. I screamed his name twice and that alone was a scary sound. I'm sooooooooooooo tearfully grateful that he put his brakes on and that the car didn't hit him. His life flashed before my eyes. I saw what would have happened and it was terrible. I still feel freaked out and nauseated. I'm just so grateful. I went over and hugged him itghtly for a minute or so. He let me. He said he put his brakes on because he knew it would make me happy. He's so sweet and good. I held him. Oh how devastated I'd be. I stayed close to him the rest of the day. We went and talked to the person who almost hit him (a neighbor we don't know). We thanked her for being careful. It's the first thing Conly told Joseph when joseph got home. And I put him down tonight and I was so glad to do that. I wanted to snuggle him and be close to him. I love him with all my heart. He has been such a blessing ot me in my life. He has been so sweet and funny; he was the perfect absolutely perfect way for me to enter motherhood.

"Thankful that summer is almost here"

Conley looooooved playing outside yesterday. it was 60 degrees and the sun was shining. it was so easy fr him to entertain himself. He just played with all his trucks and made all these sounds and talked and had so much fun. I sat out there with him on a yoga mat and just watched him and soaked in some rays. And we had pizza for a picnic, and he was so funny and cute. And he actually wanted to pray this time. And he said, "Heavenly Father, for dis day, we're thankful that it's almost summer, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." It warmed my heart. The more I've looked in his eyes and spent time with him this week the more I've fallen in love with him. He knows what he needs and he needs me a lot of the time and sometimes it's exhausting. But it's so worth it. I NEVER regret spending with him. 

End of dreaded winter

I don't want to jinx myself, but I do think we are coming to the close of this awful winter. Man, it was rough! Going out and getting into the car in terrible zero-degree weather, snow all the time everywhere, having to bundle up every time we went out. Ugh. It nauseates me to think about it. Last week we went to Cheyenne for a concert for Jordan, and because all the sibs but Josh were meeting there. It was soooo much fun to be there with everyone. We had a family council to help Jamie out and she shared her burden of Kayden's craziness with us, and I'm hoping it helped her. Landon also remained sober the whole time, which is such a huge deal. I'm so proud of him. And my kids were just so cute. Eloise just wandered around and looked at stuff and played with stuff. She also would push Papa away from the countertop and reach her hands up so that he'd hold her. She does that to me too sometimes when I'm cooking. It's really cute and irresistible (well sometimes it's tough for me, when I'm trying to make dinner). And she just loved Nana, too. She needed a lot of Nana snuggles. It was really sweet. They have a sweet little bond. And Eloise is just such a snuggler. She really knows who Nana and Papa are and she loves them and loves it when they hold her.

Lately she's been "hot" at night. Before bed she'll take off her jammies and it's nearly impossible to get them back on her. She gets in bed with us usually, and she oftentimes is only wearing a diaper. And I'll pull the covers up onto her frequently throughout the night, and she kicks them off eventually and wiggles up to the top of the bed--without covers! And she seems to be sleeping well! It's really funny and crazy. I imagine she's actually cold, but I guess she just likes it. She's also saying a whole bunch of words. And she stays around and hangs out with adults or whoever is talking the most, just so she can listen and smile and fake laugh when everyone else is. She really does like being part of the conversation. It's amazingly cute. She does funny and silly things, like poke your cheeks and tries to poke your eyes. She can repeat most things you say, just in her own little way of saying it. And she still loves singing. I looooove it when she sings. She'll open up a book, any book, and walk around singing from it. I just think it's so funny and amazing. I love snuggling her. She smells amazing all the time. And her hair is past her shoulders now and still so bright blond and a little curly. I've been cutting her bangs and she just looks like a little doll. She's a dream.

Conley has been wonderful lately too. He's a mama's boy big time, and sometiems it's draining because he wants to be held a lot, especially at really inconvenient times; and he also gets really emotional and hurt and when he does, he only wants me. ANd if i dont' sit down and hold him, hly cow, he'll yell cry and it about drives me crazy. But other than that he is so cute and fun and funny. He said in our super long drive home from Greenwoods in Canon City, CO, "Mom, GUESS what?" "What?" "Guess what number is bigger than....twenty....one!" "What?" "Twenty....five!!!" in a shocked whisper. He says prayers occassionally, but he doesn't really like to; and he doesn't like reverent scripture time unless it's extended reverent scripture time, which includes an object lesson and a game. He always asks really good questions. Why this, why that, all day long. I actually like it. He just really wants to know. And his little world is just full of discoveries. He's helped me grow so much as a mom.

Eloise is getting into the "I want my way" stage

 Eloise is getting into the "I want my way" stage. It's really funny. And still cute, because she is small and her little voice is so adorable. And her fits don't last super long still. So it's totally bearable. Here's an example of the stage. I'll pick her up and show her her bookshelf (her books are up too high to reach), and she or I will pull out a book, and she'll say  "no no no!" And so I'll show her another option, and another, and another, with the same response. And finally we'll get to one and she will start wagging her little bum and smiling. She LOVES books. Yesterday she would grab my hand (I was cleaning the house) and say "Boooooooooook!" and pull me to a book or to her bookshelf.

Also she loves these Altoids Joseph keeps in his backpack, so she always tries to sneak into his backpack and steal one. And she calls them "dum" for gum. And she threw a huge fit, crying so hard and throwing her head back and letting go big tears. I tried to put her down, and although she didn't go down, she did at elast calm down. And so we ended up on Conley's bed, and she was so squeezy and delicious and snugglicious. I just can't get enough of her. Her cheeks are so soft and smooth and squishy. And she is too And she was just so ticklish. And I was tickling her neck and nuzzling it and she was just so giggly and funny and cute.

Oh and before bedtime we played hide and go seek and she just LOVED it. And Conley liked it a lot too, but Eloise was just uncontrollably in love with it. Joseph and Conley would hide, Eloise and I would go find them, and then when we found them, she'd grab Joseph's hand and say "zeeeeek!!!" and take him to go hide. She just loved it, and she kept doing that over and over and switching teams and grabbing hands and stuff. It was so fun.

Oh and Conley said something so sweet this morning. Joseph wasn't feeling well, so we left him sleeping and ELoise in her crib to fall asleep. And Conley and I were walking out the door and it was different from routine and he was confused, and so so concerned with Eloise. He said, "But why aren't we taking Eloise, Mommy? She is all by herself. It's OK; she can come to primary with me. I'll take care of her!" It was so adorable.

Anyway, spending time with him on the way to church and at church and on they way home today was so delightful. He's such a sweetie, and I need to spend one on one time with him more often.

Where do I start?

I mean, really! Where do I start. I started motherhood off--and went two or three years like this--thinking I needed to take a picture of everything cute, or write every single thing down. But I'd stress about missing the perfect picture moment, or I wouldn't have my phone (or wouldn't want my phone on my all the time!), or wonder when I'd get the chance to look back at it all. Anyway. I now think there's a balance between documenting things and soaking them up. Sometimes for the latter one, I just say a little prayer and try to tattoo the moment on my brain. And if I think about it too much, it's heartbreaking to think of the times that I've forgotten already, or the moments that passed by without me soaking them up. But alas, It's life. And I'm just a mortal.

Anyway, here are some amazing things the babies have been doing.

Eloise loves singing. I say this a lot, but I mean it to its fullest every time: she MELTS me when she sings. Her little singing voice is so beautiful and purposeful (and her talking voice is so adorable). Today in church a sister missionary sang a solo, and Eloise stood on the pew and watcher her and looked around and looked up at the ceiling where the sound was coming from, and then she sang a little bit too. Then, this is the best, on the way home, we were listening to primary songs, and I told her to sing me a song and she totally did. She just started singing to me from her car seat: "Laaaadoo meee ddoo aaaaa weeeee." It was so magical.

Conley described magic as magical this week (though I think he's figured out the correct usage, sadly). So he'd see something that looked like magic (Beth showed him some magic tricks from this random cheesy magic trick book she has, and that's how he knows about it) and say, "Wow, that's magical!" Or, "Mom, come look at this magical thing I did!" Tonight it was a plastic knife stick in random places in his room: between the mirror suck to his door and the door, behind some slat of wood coming away from the wall, in some piece of Eloise's crib. Haha it was so funny and cute.

I've realized how imperative it is to get out to a place where Conley can really run around. Last week we went to the rec center, and he literally came home a changed boy. He was so sweet and obedient the rest of the day. Winter has been hard! So cold and icy and snowy outside, Just terrible. So tomorrow we are going to go to the chruch, and I'm so so excited. Without those opportunities to exert his energy, he jumps around and won't pee and won't listen and he yells a lot and doesn't go down well at night (that's the worst part). It sucks so bad. I lost my patience a lot with him these last two weeks, and I don't want to do that anymore. So we are making cahnges and changing our negative scripts! If it's not working, fix it! Do something different. So we are.

On that afternoon after the rec center, Conley wanted to read all these words in books we'd just gotten. It was so perfect and precious. I'd point to a word and help him and read to him. He is so cool. He wrote "Happy Birthday Perri" all by himself (I told him what letters to write). It is so fun to do letter stuff with him. Really just games in general are so fun. He's so cute beacuse he can read alone and he can play alone, but he just LOVES and lights up when I do it with him. He's my boy. And I adore him. He's into saying silly and funny words/phrases lately. He gave Perri a "nickname": "Perri harp table" and "nose." Haha what the heck. He also asks to do family home evening and extended reverent scripture time together.

Eloise still loves me. She loves Joseph too. But I do think she prefers me. 100% she prefers me at night. It (here it is again) melts me. Just melts me. She slept through the night in her crib once last week, but usually she wakes up in the middle of the night and whines/cries until I come get her. And I just love it. And I miss her when she's not in there with me. She will snuggle most of the time, tight snuggles for a minute, and then she needs a little bit of space, but not a lot. It's so cute. The other night when I put her down, she fell asleep as the baby spoon. it was to die for. And tonight she kept saying "boooook boooook" so I read her some books and she'd say "gin! gin!" for again. It was so sweet. We read two books three times each and she would have done even more. She loves reading. But when I give her her binky and snuggle her standing up, she usually falls asleep. I just adore that baby. I smell her and kiss her cheeks all day. I love carrying her around because she is small and cute and light, and literally just like melts into me (and everyone who holds her). She doesn't really like nursery, which breaks my heart. But she adjusts after a while. She is so ticklish and just loves being tickled. For one whole week, she said "no" to everything, in such a funny and sweet way. This last week she has started to say "yeah" too, and it's also adorable. She jabbers a lot, and it's so funny and cute. Conley and she play together pretty well, with a few run-ins here and there if she takes a toy away. If C is on his game, they get along. But bless is heart sometimes he acts his age too and wants things a certain way.

Conley loves Perri. Tonight was her birhtday party and it was so hard for him to stay away from her. Haha I'm laughing about it. He would put his face right next to hers and stuff like that, like even when they were taking pictures and stuff. They do this little head snuggle thing that just kills me and Beth. He even jumped in to their family picture hahahahahaha. Like he thinks he is in their family and totally belongs in the picture. And he just wanted to play with her with her new toys and stuff. He's so cute.

Conley really loves to cook with me, and I can even convince him sometimes to clean stuff too. His favorite activities are still jumping and reading. But he likes playing games and sometimes doing puzzles. He likes Curious George and Daniel Tiger and PJ Masks and Kratt Brothers.