Where do I start?

I mean, really! Where do I start. I started motherhood off--and went two or three years like this--thinking I needed to take a picture of everything cute, or write every single thing down. But I'd stress about missing the perfect picture moment, or I wouldn't have my phone (or wouldn't want my phone on my all the time!), or wonder when I'd get the chance to look back at it all. Anyway. I now think there's a balance between documenting things and soaking them up. Sometimes for the latter one, I just say a little prayer and try to tattoo the moment on my brain. And if I think about it too much, it's heartbreaking to think of the times that I've forgotten already, or the moments that passed by without me soaking them up. But alas, It's life. And I'm just a mortal.

Anyway, here are some amazing things the babies have been doing.

Eloise loves singing. I say this a lot, but I mean it to its fullest every time: she MELTS me when she sings. Her little singing voice is so beautiful and purposeful (and her talking voice is so adorable). Today in church a sister missionary sang a solo, and Eloise stood on the pew and watcher her and looked around and looked up at the ceiling where the sound was coming from, and then she sang a little bit too. Then, this is the best, on the way home, we were listening to primary songs, and I told her to sing me a song and she totally did. She just started singing to me from her car seat: "Laaaadoo meee ddoo aaaaa weeeee." It was so magical.

Conley described magic as magical this week (though I think he's figured out the correct usage, sadly). So he'd see something that looked like magic (Beth showed him some magic tricks from this random cheesy magic trick book she has, and that's how he knows about it) and say, "Wow, that's magical!" Or, "Mom, come look at this magical thing I did!" Tonight it was a plastic knife stick in random places in his room: between the mirror suck to his door and the door, behind some slat of wood coming away from the wall, in some piece of Eloise's crib. Haha it was so funny and cute.

I've realized how imperative it is to get out to a place where Conley can really run around. Last week we went to the rec center, and he literally came home a changed boy. He was so sweet and obedient the rest of the day. Winter has been hard! So cold and icy and snowy outside, Just terrible. So tomorrow we are going to go to the chruch, and I'm so so excited. Without those opportunities to exert his energy, he jumps around and won't pee and won't listen and he yells a lot and doesn't go down well at night (that's the worst part). It sucks so bad. I lost my patience a lot with him these last two weeks, and I don't want to do that anymore. So we are making cahnges and changing our negative scripts! If it's not working, fix it! Do something different. So we are.

On that afternoon after the rec center, Conley wanted to read all these words in books we'd just gotten. It was so perfect and precious. I'd point to a word and help him and read to him. He is so cool. He wrote "Happy Birthday Perri" all by himself (I told him what letters to write). It is so fun to do letter stuff with him. Really just games in general are so fun. He's so cute beacuse he can read alone and he can play alone, but he just LOVES and lights up when I do it with him. He's my boy. And I adore him. He's into saying silly and funny words/phrases lately. He gave Perri a "nickname": "Perri harp table" and "nose." Haha what the heck. He also asks to do family home evening and extended reverent scripture time together.

Eloise still loves me. She loves Joseph too. But I do think she prefers me. 100% she prefers me at night. It (here it is again) melts me. Just melts me. She slept through the night in her crib once last week, but usually she wakes up in the middle of the night and whines/cries until I come get her. And I just love it. And I miss her when she's not in there with me. She will snuggle most of the time, tight snuggles for a minute, and then she needs a little bit of space, but not a lot. It's so cute. The other night when I put her down, she fell asleep as the baby spoon. it was to die for. And tonight she kept saying "boooook boooook" so I read her some books and she'd say "gin! gin!" for again. It was so sweet. We read two books three times each and she would have done even more. She loves reading. But when I give her her binky and snuggle her standing up, she usually falls asleep. I just adore that baby. I smell her and kiss her cheeks all day. I love carrying her around because she is small and cute and light, and literally just like melts into me (and everyone who holds her). She doesn't really like nursery, which breaks my heart. But she adjusts after a while. She is so ticklish and just loves being tickled. For one whole week, she said "no" to everything, in such a funny and sweet way. This last week she has started to say "yeah" too, and it's also adorable. She jabbers a lot, and it's so funny and cute. Conley and she play together pretty well, with a few run-ins here and there if she takes a toy away. If C is on his game, they get along. But bless is heart sometimes he acts his age too and wants things a certain way.

Conley loves Perri. Tonight was her birhtday party and it was so hard for him to stay away from her. Haha I'm laughing about it. He would put his face right next to hers and stuff like that, like even when they were taking pictures and stuff. They do this little head snuggle thing that just kills me and Beth. He even jumped in to their family picture hahahahahaha. Like he thinks he is in their family and totally belongs in the picture. And he just wanted to play with her with her new toys and stuff. He's so cute.

Conley really loves to cook with me, and I can even convince him sometimes to clean stuff too. His favorite activities are still jumping and reading. But he likes playing games and sometimes doing puzzles. He likes Curious George and Daniel Tiger and PJ Masks and Kratt Brothers.

Some things

Eloise is so funny. She just laughs at everything and totally pushes buttons, but then cheesy grins. She can get her way out of everything! It's so funny. I freaking love her. Today I turned the water on to heat up for a shower, and she got her bath toys out of the cupboard. When I told her it was for a shower and not a bath, she turned around, deposited the bucket back under the cupboard, and walked away. It was really funny for some reason.

Conley leaves a cup on the fridge ledge where the water spout is. Haha just leaves it there. So he can easily access water when he gets thirsty. I asked him if that was why he left it there and he said, "yeah." hahahahah

Conley wanted to read Jesus's birth story for extended reverent scripture time today. It was sweet. We talked about it a lot throuhgout the month. So I talked about Joseph Smith and the plates. I made little cardboard and foil plates and buried them under a blanket and stuff. It was fun. Also, after church, the nursery leaders gave us Conley's and Eloise's blank pictures of Joseph Smith and the first vision. When I was snuggling with him later after we got home (he totally cured my headache on my bed), I asked him what he learned at church. He said idk. So I said, "Donald Duck? Mickey Mouse? Woody? Buzz Lightyear?" And finally he giggled and stepped in. "No! No! joseph Smith!" And I said, "What did he do?"

"Went into the woods and kneeled down."
"Why?"
"Because he wanted to see Jesus."
"Why? What did he ask Jesus?"
"Which church he should go to."
"And what did Jesus say?"
"He said he should go to Jesus's church."

It was so cute and sweet. I always want to ask lots of questions. And also to not get caught up in details or check boxes or whatever, and focus on conversion and asking questions and forging a strong relationship with Heavenly Father.

Eloise has been saying more and more things. She definitely says "no" the most. Haha. This week she said "Pay Pay, no." She was talking to Perri, whom she calls "Pay Pay." Her hair is just past her shoulders. So soooo unbelievably soft and beautiful, curly and bright bright white-blond. She just melts me. Her cheeks and nose and smile are just to die for. I told Joseph the other day, and I'll tell you here, that the best word to describe children is "delightful." She has been delicious and delightful at every stage.

Christmas lights and Conley said something sweet

Conley has been yell-crying lately and it gets so loud and obnoxious. I have been patient for the most part. We figured out that drawing on the dry erase board helps him calm down. So I offered that today, and he drew for a while. He ended up drawing Jesus. "Look, Mom! I drew baby Jesus! But I didn't draw the hay or the manger yet. I'm gonna draw that now.....Look at the manger, Mom!" And it was a little baby with hay under it. So sweet. He also came up from the basement and I said, "I thought you wanted to be in the basement and play." And he said, "I came up her because you're up here and you're my favorite thing." It was so sweet and I loved him for it.

We went, the four of us, after dinner, downtown to the Union Pacific headquarters to see the big Christmas tree and the train that goes around and around it. The kids just loved it. Then we walked across the street and walked down the river trail and saw all the trees with lights on them. It was so pretty. Eloise loved it. She walked a little and held my hand, but I held her close the rest of the time and she just kept looking above her head, so fascinated by all the lights. I used to think my dad was so cheesy when he'd talk about family time and how it was so precious to him. But seriously it is the best. I just relish in it.

Christmas break 2018

Uhhh the kids are so yummy and delicious right now. We just sit and watch them. I'm trying to make my motto nowadays "get on the floor"--because I want to remind myself to focus on the kids and soak them up and not worry about cleaning or other stuff. And to just be there and play with them. They are so cute and fun to play with. Conley loves everything Spiderman. Whenever I say something bad that happens, like someone dies or someone gets scared or kids are mean at school (which is one of the reasons I gave to him tonight when he asked me why he is going to do school at home), he always says something like, "But Spider-man comes in and saves them!" But usually it's really intricate, and less sensical. Tonight's: "But Spider-man jumps down through the rook [eye squint and fake laugh] and then he pushes all the mean guys out of the window and they fall down, but they land on the cars but the cars don't get smushed, they just go down [uses hands to show pushing down] and the guys land in the soft seats." I thought this was so sweet, that he was trying to be kind even to the mean guys.

We have been talking about service and giving gifts around Christmas time instead of just getting things (he's not getting much this year). And he just loves talking about service. He points it out all the time. And he likes doing it. Today we walked around the house and found pictures I'd hidden about service. One was a girl writing letters, one was a sister helping her brother on his bike, one was a happy face and sad face, one was a family. He was so sweet. We made a list of things we can do to give gifts, and I want to talk to him about them every day, so that we can get away from tangible presents and stuff. I read an article from Boystown about how to help your children be grateful, and that is one way they suggested: make lists of things to give. A few more ideas:

1. Make a memory mosaic of pictures of your favorite memories throughout the year
2. make gifts to give
3. pick a toy to give away
4. choose what actions to give
5. practice showing appreciation (include for things they DON'T want)
6. give them gifts of attention, and maybe point those out.

And the other day he said something funny too. I was putting him down for bed, and he wanted all these stories and books, but Joseph had already read to him. Anyway, so I sent him into bed, and I said goodnight and he said, "Wait! Do you know how to get to the North Pole??" It was so cute and funny. 

And tonight he said the sweetest prayer. "Heavenly Father, we're grateful we could be together to learn about service, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." He doesn't like praying very often. He always wants me to say it. He has been loving Reverent Scripture Time, though. He loves the stories and books and stuff. 

And Eloise has just beena snuggle bug. We picked her up from Beth's house late (she was already asleep), and when we got home, I got into bed with her and we snuggled belly to belly and it was just so nice. She seriously is just the snuggliest baby. She LOVES Joseph. He just got out of school on Friday, and she hasn't let him put her down since:).  I definitely have to steal my snuggles from her, and usually it's only by tickling her, or by giving her food. Or the occasional book. I just love her so much. She is saying so much--mostly jabbering still. So funny. So expressive and happy. She has so so many sounds. She says, go, don't, spicy (picy), nan (conley), nana, papa, beshie, pay pay (Perri), baby, bee bee (binky), eat, may (Mavis), nana (banana), cheese, cheese (Jesus).  It's delightful. 

Eloise talking

Tonight in the bath, I'd say a word, and then Eloise would copy it. She was really close on most of them! So cute. We said, bath, dad, mama, go, truck, car, dog, car, water, bed, milk, cheeks, prom-ise, asleep, and others. She is just adorable.

She also has an adorable kissy face.

Thanksgiving week 2018

This was such a fun week. Perfect. Fun. Delightful. Funny. Relaxing. Tasty. Easygoing. Just wonderful.

It started off wonderful because Joseph was off school Monday and Tuesday, unexpectedly (the computers were down at Creighton, so they couldn't access patient health records and therefore didn't want to do work in the clinic). So we had two extra days with Daddy and husband. The kids just loved it, especially Eloise. She followed him around. She goes back and forth yelling "Mama! Dada! Mama! Dada!" It's really fun. When you hold her, she wraps her little arm around your neck and holds onto your neck fat with her baby fat hands.

Here are some things we did:

• Nana and Papa came
• We went to Home Depot Saturday morning; Conley loooooved it. So much so that he invited everyone to go there instead of the zoo later that day. "Have you guys seen Home Depot?" And when we got into the car that day for the rest of the day, he said, "No! I want to go to Home Depot!" He read the F R E E sign at the front of the store, too. We made gingerbread men out of wood and paint. Conley didn't really like that Eloise and mama finished nailing first. He loved all the sticker decorations.
• Monday and Tuesday (this is Joseph) Eloise seemed so happy to have him home and she would randomly wrap her arms around him. She knew that it was extra time with Daddy.
• On Friday we went to Wheatfields in the morning. The caramel rolls are so so good there. We also got hot chocolate. And then a breakfast burrito, which was so far from NM but still really good. Then we went to Mulhall's and it was so gorgeous and magical. Tons of decorations, set out so perfectly, and the reindeer were so fun to see. And the Christmas tree tent smelled like absolute heaven. And then we went to Menard's and got the fullest and cheapest tree we've got yet. It's so pretty and perfect. Conley rode from Mulhall's to Menard's in the truck with Daddy and he loved that. Then we went home and decorated the tree and put up Christmas decorations and it was so fun. And Conley lovvvvved it. I made him a shelf just of kids' decorations (nativities and stuff), and he reorganizes it (and the bottom ornaments, with Eloise) all the time. This morning he was sweeping up needles with his hands. It was so cute. When I asked him at bathtime what he liked best that day, he said decorating the Christmas tree. He was so focused that day he could hardly sit down to EAT! It was so cute and funny. We also watched Polar Express, had wassail that Papa made that day, and ate cashew chicken that Joseph made. 
• Joseph was just so sweet and funny and kind to me Friday and Saturday and Sunday. It made everything so easy. 
• On Thanksgiving, Quinn and I ran a half marathon. That was awesome! It was hard and hilly. But the weather was so incredible and perfect. I loved it. The run was honestly really wonderful and fun too. I tripped at the end and my mom caught it on camera! Haha without knowing it or meaning to. 
• Thanksgiving dinner food was pretty good. I got a lot of it prepped and cooked the night before, so if nothing else, I was low stress the next day and proud of myself:).
• The kids were so fun and easy at Beth's house. 
•  

So so delightful

Conley and Eloise. Wow. Right now I am in a phase where I am just so happy with them. I just eat them up. I love every minute of watching them play or playing with them. They are fun and funny and so cute. They both snuggle so good. They both looooove reading. Conley has loved it for a couple years now, but Eloise has just started realliy loving it; and for most books, she will sit still. She brings me books all the time to read to her. And we will sit, all three of us, on the couch, me in the middle, with my arms around each of them, and read books together. And it only stops when I stop it. They could go on like that for hours. It's been so fun. Conley actually learns from the books and talks about things he saw or remembers from them. It's amazing and so cute.

Today Conley played at Benjamin's for a few hours. Eloise and I gave a friend a ride, and then had just under an hour to hang at home. And that's just what we did. I just sat on the floor in the kitchen and watched her play and ate with her and just laughed at her. She's got this big cheesy grin lately. Her gapped teeth just stick right out, because she squints her eyes and nose and sticks out her chin. It's amazing and so cute and funny. She loves laughing and she loves playing. She gets a playful look in her eye when she knows I'm playing. And she just loves it. She also loves candy! Gosh I have to hide it from her. She really has a sixth sense for it, I swear. I love holding her. She's still little. And she melts into you when you hold her. She was a pumpkin for Halloween today, and she loved wearing her costume. And at each house she just stared at the person until they gave her a piece of candy. She loves going on walks. She really just loves everything. Tonight she didn't want me to carry her around! She just wanted to walk, like Conley, I think, and get candy from all the places.

Conley and I just love spending time together. I tell him that and mean it just about e ery day. And he always smiles so warmly. I love him so much. He loves making things. We made a fuzzy green spider out of pipe cleaner the other day. We made pumpkins with paper, and today skull masks with paper and sticks. We made pumpkin cookies yesterday. He loves creating things. ANd he is creative! He made a web with electrical tape. It mostly looked lik a circle or something, all around the edhe of our kitchen table. But it was sweet. And today he said he likes violin! This made me so happy because for a few weeks, he really didn't like it. He has been practicing with Joseph and that has made it morefun for him. We had his first concert today, and he did really well. He didn't pay the two hardest songs right at all; he has a hard time getting Mississippi stop stop down. But I'm not worried about it. He'll get it eventually. I mostly just want him to enjoy doing something and work towards a goal. And focus on another teacher, other than me or Joseph😊😊Aso the other day, he saw some (TMI) period bathroom stuff and aske dabout it. So I told him what a period was lol. And asked why women have eggs, and I said because that's how they have babies. And then he said he wanted two more babies. And I said we probably weren't going to have anymore, and he said, "but i want a Perri." It was very sweet. I told him that I just wanted to spend tim eiwht him and Eloise though. He seemed OK with it. Then the next day he and Eloie played with a baby doll for like half the day. Fed her, put a blanket on her, pushed her around in their play shopping cart. It was really sweet. I think it's good for them.

He also said, the other day, out of the blue, when we were crawling on my bed to snuggle and read: "I love having time with you." My heart melted. I just love him so much.

I love the relationship I have with my children. The other day the thought just hit me, how special a mother to child relationship is. It's like nothing else. They love you, need you, want to be with you, can't live without you. It's so special and unique and unlike anything else. I feel so incredibly fortunate to experience it. I feel so undeserving, too.