That probably doesn't really matter

The title of this entry is what I'm going to start trying to say to myself when I have the urge to ask Conley to stop doing something that is annoying or noisy. There are lots of reasons for this. Annoying behavior on average doesn't last for over a minute and a half--so I should just give it that amount of time and breathe through it and let it go. I think I should do this, because the opposite is much worse and looks something like this: 1) I get annoyed at an annoying behavior. 2) I ask him to stop. 3) He doesn't. 4) I get madder. 5) He doesn't understand and just wants to keep doing that behavior (maybe he has a reason for it!) 6) I get really made and impose a consequence and he gets mad and he feels ostracized and just overall the situation sucks.

Another reason to let things go MOST of the time is that when I ask him to not do things that don't really matter, he'll get sick of me asking him to stop doing things, and he'll just overall stop listening and tune me out. And his trust of me will go down too.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. A lot of time, Conley actually has a good reason. I want to say, "Can you help me understand why you're doing that?" Instead of, "Conley!" or "Conley stop!" or whatever. Or worst: "Why would you do that???"

Jesus can help me change. I need to remember that and pray about changing my heart. I can pray not just for patience. But for my heart to change--my instinct to get angry, my instinct to ask him to stop, my instinct to nag, my instinct to get frustrated when I'm not listened to.

I need to connect each day before anything else...just watch them...just be with them. remember my priority list is more important than my to do list.

Moira helped me realize these things. And the Spirit.

Empathy in parenting

Yesterday afternoon and evening Conley screamed so much and kept yell-crying and accidentally hurting himself, and then yell-crying more. He was in such a bad mood and really tired. It was driving me crazy and thinking time weren't really helping a ton. He was yelling and hitting the door, and both Joseph and I lost patience with him.

I'm reading The Danish Way of Parenting, and it's so amazing. One thing the authors argue is that empathy in parenting is really important, one of the six most important things of being a happy parent in raising happy children. I read just a snippet of it last night, and it was so timely. From it I got the idea to look at pictures of different faces showing different emotions with Conley and to talk about what each person was feeling, why, how we could help them. But first we said that it was OK to be feeling that way. I asked him why he was feeling frustrated the day before. He said he didn't know. I asked him to tell me when he feels frustrated, so that I could give him a hug (because he said that would help him). So we did that today. Talking about and practicing empathy for others seemed to be really helpful. This morning he was getting frustrated and fire in his eyes, like he was going to push my or Eloise's buttons or disobey or yell. I asked him to come sit on my lap. I tickled his arms and legs and told him to unrelated stories. That physical affection and attention turned the ENTIRE DAY AROUND. I swear.

I asked him what he was feeling throughout the day, and I asked him what I could do to help him accomplish what he wanted to do, and things like that. And it worked so well. We had a great day together.

Eloise's birthday

Eloise turned two today. It was a special day. When you'd say "Happy Birthday" to her, she'd respond, "Hap Boo-day!" like it were a greeting or something. And she'd point up to the tissue paper banner we put over the bar separating the kitchen from the family room. I wanted her to feel special and loved all day. I tried to hold her when she wanted me to and play with her and follow her around when she'd pull my finger. She just likes being up and seeing what I'm doing, especially in the kitchen. She wants to know what's being cooked and how it's been cooked.

Conley was so sweet to her. He said, "I want to make Eloise more presents." (We'd written/drawn/colored a book for her and glued some sticks together to make a "house," but he wanted to do more work on that; also, it was his idea to write a book for her. It was about airplanes, "because she loves 'em.")

Eloise loved the park. I'd made blueberry muffins and washed strawberries, and we met Mai and Cho Cho (and their families) at Hanscom Park. Besides the park being kind of dirty and grungy, it was a great time--after we picked up some trash. The kids loved it and the equipment was original and nice. Eloise wanted to do swings a lot of the time, and everyone loved the muffins. She kept saying, "Mommy! LLLook! Mommy! LLLooKKK!" so deliberately. She says that even if I'm looking. It's so funny. She also kept calling Graham "Gam." And she'd also say, "Donny, Look!" to Conley.

I made her a cake. Yesterday I took her on a "date" while Conley was at Thomas's house. Man, it was so fun. She picked a Confetti cake and strawberry frosting. And I got a "2" candle; it was green. I applied the cake-making tips from Sarah Broat, and wow, they worked! The cake was the best I've ever frosted! It stayed together and all that. Anyway, about yesterday, I just love spending time with her one on one. I realized in the last few weeks how different my attention to her is as compared to my attention to Conley when he was her age. I equally adore them, but my focus during her life has still largely been on Conley--we go to the park because he wants to, we do an activity because it's good for him, etc. I am going to add more focus on Eloise, her desires and her development. It helps Conley too. And even if it doesn't, she deserves and needs that, and I need to show her that attention. (I'll add, she still seems totally fine, despite kind of being a tag-along rather than the main event or whatever...)

We got her little girl makeup. It's real, but mild: lipstick, roll-on perfume, and lip gloss. And she put it in her special backpack after opening it. She also got a microphone and a bunch of clothes; Conley's book, and a book about women in the BoM from Aunt Jamie. She was delighted with all of them.

I said this during Rose and Rose while eating cake: every day of her life she has simply delighted me. She has brought laughs and smiles to my face and so much buoyant joy to my heart. She's an angel. She's funny. She's so cute. I love her so much. She and Conley are my world. Thinking about her as a tiny baby...she was just so sweet and good. She loved snuggles and still does. I love that about her. She just melts into you when you hold her. And she stays so close when you sleep with her.

I just adore having a girl. She lights up my life. I love spending time with her, and I want to spend time with her my whole life and her whole life.

Lately with Conley

I tell you what WOW. Conley  has been an angel among angels lately. I love him so much. I went to  ABQ this last weekend for Nohemi's wedding, and I missed him so so so much, more than Joseph or Eloise--although I missed them a whole lot too.

Today Eloise was grumpy and crying in the car, and Conley saw some coins. She loves coins ("Mon-nee, mon-nee!") and so he picked up a quarter and handed it to her, "Here, Eloise. Money!"

On the phone while in ABQ, he said, "I miss you, Mom! When you are coming back?!" He melts me.

And he ran up to me when I cam to Beth's to pick him up when I got home from the airport. He usually hides because he doesn't want to leave her house.

He came in this morning with Joseph's lasso around his shoulder and a cowboy  hat on his head and said, "Mom, I need a cowgirl."

He helped me load the dishwasher today and loved it.

He loves snuggling with me. He says things like, "I want you!" He wants one more story. He loves listening to stories.

Close call today

I feel numb and humble and shaky in my heart; Conley almost got hit by a car today. I feel like the emotions that would have been there had he been hit, are there, because I really thought he was going to get hit. It was sooo close. He came out behind a fence and put his brakes on. And if he hadn't he would have gotten hit right then by a car. It scared me to death. Scared the life out of me. I screamed his name twice and that alone was a scary sound. I'm sooooooooooooo tearfully grateful that he put his brakes on and that the car didn't hit him. His life flashed before my eyes. I saw what would have happened and it was terrible. I still feel freaked out and nauseated. I'm just so grateful. I went over and hugged him itghtly for a minute or so. He let me. He said he put his brakes on because he knew it would make me happy. He's so sweet and good. I held him. Oh how devastated I'd be. I stayed close to him the rest of the day. We went and talked to the person who almost hit him (a neighbor we don't know). We thanked her for being careful. It's the first thing Conly told Joseph when joseph got home. And I put him down tonight and I was so glad to do that. I wanted to snuggle him and be close to him. I love him with all my heart. He has been such a blessing ot me in my life. He has been so sweet and funny; he was the perfect absolutely perfect way for me to enter motherhood.

"Thankful that summer is almost here"

Conley looooooved playing outside yesterday. it was 60 degrees and the sun was shining. it was so easy fr him to entertain himself. He just played with all his trucks and made all these sounds and talked and had so much fun. I sat out there with him on a yoga mat and just watched him and soaked in some rays. And we had pizza for a picnic, and he was so funny and cute. And he actually wanted to pray this time. And he said, "Heavenly Father, for dis day, we're thankful that it's almost summer, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." It warmed my heart. The more I've looked in his eyes and spent time with him this week the more I've fallen in love with him. He knows what he needs and he needs me a lot of the time and sometimes it's exhausting. But it's so worth it. I NEVER regret spending with him. 

End of dreaded winter

I don't want to jinx myself, but I do think we are coming to the close of this awful winter. Man, it was rough! Going out and getting into the car in terrible zero-degree weather, snow all the time everywhere, having to bundle up every time we went out. Ugh. It nauseates me to think about it. Last week we went to Cheyenne for a concert for Jordan, and because all the sibs but Josh were meeting there. It was soooo much fun to be there with everyone. We had a family council to help Jamie out and she shared her burden of Kayden's craziness with us, and I'm hoping it helped her. Landon also remained sober the whole time, which is such a huge deal. I'm so proud of him. And my kids were just so cute. Eloise just wandered around and looked at stuff and played with stuff. She also would push Papa away from the countertop and reach her hands up so that he'd hold her. She does that to me too sometimes when I'm cooking. It's really cute and irresistible (well sometimes it's tough for me, when I'm trying to make dinner). And she just loved Nana, too. She needed a lot of Nana snuggles. It was really sweet. They have a sweet little bond. And Eloise is just such a snuggler. She really knows who Nana and Papa are and she loves them and loves it when they hold her.

Lately she's been "hot" at night. Before bed she'll take off her jammies and it's nearly impossible to get them back on her. She gets in bed with us usually, and she oftentimes is only wearing a diaper. And I'll pull the covers up onto her frequently throughout the night, and she kicks them off eventually and wiggles up to the top of the bed--without covers! And she seems to be sleeping well! It's really funny and crazy. I imagine she's actually cold, but I guess she just likes it. She's also saying a whole bunch of words. And she stays around and hangs out with adults or whoever is talking the most, just so she can listen and smile and fake laugh when everyone else is. She really does like being part of the conversation. It's amazingly cute. She does funny and silly things, like poke your cheeks and tries to poke your eyes. She can repeat most things you say, just in her own little way of saying it. And she still loves singing. I looooove it when she sings. She'll open up a book, any book, and walk around singing from it. I just think it's so funny and amazing. I love snuggling her. She smells amazing all the time. And her hair is past her shoulders now and still so bright blond and a little curly. I've been cutting her bangs and she just looks like a little doll. She's a dream.

Conley has been wonderful lately too. He's a mama's boy big time, and sometiems it's draining because he wants to be held a lot, especially at really inconvenient times; and he also gets really emotional and hurt and when he does, he only wants me. ANd if i dont' sit down and hold him, hly cow, he'll yell cry and it about drives me crazy. But other than that he is so cute and fun and funny. He said in our super long drive home from Greenwoods in Canon City, CO, "Mom, GUESS what?" "What?" "Guess what number is bigger than....twenty....one!" "What?" "Twenty....five!!!" in a shocked whisper. He says prayers occassionally, but he doesn't really like to; and he doesn't like reverent scripture time unless it's extended reverent scripture time, which includes an object lesson and a game. He always asks really good questions. Why this, why that, all day long. I actually like it. He just really wants to know. And his little world is just full of discoveries. He's helped me grow so much as a mom.