Conley five-year-old snuggles

Covid has made this decision even easier, but I'm so glad I'm not sending Conley to school this year. I simply cannot imagine sending him away from me all day five times a week. I can't. It makes me sick and so sad even thinking about it. I'm so grateful I get to homeschool. He's been holding onto me so much lately at night. He wants me to lay by him or rub his back. He wraps his arms all the way around my chest; they are long enough to reach each other on the other side now. And he continually pulls me closer or presses on my back; sometimes he'll move his hands a little and scratch my back for a second. It's so sweet and loving. He really loves me. He wouldn't do that to anyone else in the world. He's such a special boy. So kind to others, especially Eloise. He loves imagining things to make and build. He loves creating things and sharing all his ideas of how things could be made and what could be made. He loves reading (looking at pictures) and being read to. I tell him all the time: "I always wanted a boy like you." And I did. He's still too good to be true. 

Eloise's silly bedtime giggles and "poop"

She is so funny. And she has a wide smile and just a big mouth, so when she giggles and laughs and opens her mouth, she just seems so happy.

At night when she hasn't taken a nap, she usually conks out really quickly. Sometimes, though, like tonight, she gets really slaphappy and it's just hilarious. She was singing along with me to "Baby Mine" and it was so sweet, because she knew most of the words. And then once I finished it and then started it over again (since she wasn't asleep yet), she started saying "poop" at the end of each line. It was hilarious how often it actually fit in with the part of speech and made sense. And I laughed and she laughed and I tickled her and she just flails all over and loves the attention. She's just so funny.

Eloise's silly bedtime giggles and "poop"

She is so funny. And she has a wide smile and just a big mouth, so when she giggles and laughs and opens her mouth, she just seems so happy.

At night when she hasn't taken a nap, she usually conks out really quickly. Sometimes, though, like tonight, she gets really slaphappy and it's just hilarious. She was singing along with me to "Baby Mine" and it was so sweet, because she knew most of the words. And then once I finished it and then started it over again (since she wasn't asleep yet), she started saying "poop" at the end of each line. It was hilarious how often it actually fit in with the part of speech and made sense. And I laughed and she laughed and I tickled her and she just flails all over and loves the attention. She's just so funny.

Eloise's silly bedtime giggles and "poop"

She is so funny. And she has a wide smile and just a big mouth, so when she giggles and laughs and opens her mouth, she just seems so happy.

At night when she hasn't taken a nap, she usually conks out really quickly. Sometimes, though, like tonight, she gets really slaphappy and it's just hilarious. She was singing along with me to "Baby Mine" and it was so sweet, because she knew most of the words. And then once I finished it and then started it over again (since she wasn't asleep yet), she started saying "poop" at the end of each line. It was hilarious how often it actually fit in with the part of speech and made sense. And I laughed and she laughed and I tickled her and she just flails all over and loves the attention. She's just so funny.

Eloise's silly bedtime giggles and "poop"

She is so funny. And she has a wide smile and just a big mouth, so when she giggles and laughs and opens her mouth, she just seems so happy.

At night when she hasn't taken a nap, she usually conks out really quickly. Sometimes, though, like tonight, she gets really slaphappy and it's just hilarious. She was singing along with me to "Baby Mine" and it was so sweet, because she knew most of the words. And then once I finished it and then started it over again (since she wasn't asleep yet), she started saying "poop" at the end of each line. It was hilarious how often it actually fit in with the part of speech and made sense. And I laughed and she laughed and I tickled her and she just flails all over and loves the attention. She's just so funny.

That probably doesn't really matter

The title of this entry is what I'm going to start trying to say to myself when I have the urge to ask Conley to stop doing something that is annoying or noisy. There are lots of reasons for this. Annoying behavior on average doesn't last for over a minute and a half--so I should just give it that amount of time and breathe through it and let it go. I think I should do this, because the opposite is much worse and looks something like this: 1) I get annoyed at an annoying behavior. 2) I ask him to stop. 3) He doesn't. 4) I get madder. 5) He doesn't understand and just wants to keep doing that behavior (maybe he has a reason for it!) 6) I get really made and impose a consequence and he gets mad and he feels ostracized and just overall the situation sucks.

Another reason to let things go MOST of the time is that when I ask him to not do things that don't really matter, he'll get sick of me asking him to stop doing things, and he'll just overall stop listening and tune me out. And his trust of me will go down too.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. A lot of time, Conley actually has a good reason. I want to say, "Can you help me understand why you're doing that?" Instead of, "Conley!" or "Conley stop!" or whatever. Or worst: "Why would you do that???"

Jesus can help me change. I need to remember that and pray about changing my heart. I can pray not just for patience. But for my heart to change--my instinct to get angry, my instinct to ask him to stop, my instinct to nag, my instinct to get frustrated when I'm not listened to.

I need to connect each day before anything else...just watch them...just be with them. remember my priority list is more important than my to do list.

Moira helped me realize these things. And the Spirit.

Empathy in parenting

Yesterday afternoon and evening Conley screamed so much and kept yell-crying and accidentally hurting himself, and then yell-crying more. He was in such a bad mood and really tired. It was driving me crazy and thinking time weren't really helping a ton. He was yelling and hitting the door, and both Joseph and I lost patience with him.

I'm reading The Danish Way of Parenting, and it's so amazing. One thing the authors argue is that empathy in parenting is really important, one of the six most important things of being a happy parent in raising happy children. I read just a snippet of it last night, and it was so timely. From it I got the idea to look at pictures of different faces showing different emotions with Conley and to talk about what each person was feeling, why, how we could help them. But first we said that it was OK to be feeling that way. I asked him why he was feeling frustrated the day before. He said he didn't know. I asked him to tell me when he feels frustrated, so that I could give him a hug (because he said that would help him). So we did that today. Talking about and practicing empathy for others seemed to be really helpful. This morning he was getting frustrated and fire in his eyes, like he was going to push my or Eloise's buttons or disobey or yell. I asked him to come sit on my lap. I tickled his arms and legs and told him to unrelated stories. That physical affection and attention turned the ENTIRE DAY AROUND. I swear.

I asked him what he was feeling throughout the day, and I asked him what I could do to help him accomplish what he wanted to do, and things like that. And it worked so well. We had a great day together.