School started for three of the four of us

 School started. Me, Eloise, and Conley. With Conley being apart from me six hours a day, a few things happen that are even more meaningful than they might be if I were with him all day:

• He wants me to snuggle with him at night. When I do, he sits up as I crawl up his loft bed ladder and waits for me with his arms outstretched. He wraps his arms around my neck and holds me so close.
• When we read a funny book or watch a funny movie and something just strikes him as funny, he giggles as though you just tickled him in the ribs. It's so cute. It just bubbles out of him like he can't control it. I love it so much. His face, which is usually somewhat serious, just look so happy and his smile is so big.
• Most recently, we were reading a Little Critter joke book. Darn. I just looked for it around the house so that I could type in the one that made him laugh. I think it was a pun. It was so cute, because he'd been pretty even-tempered at all the jokes, until that one. And then he just lost it in giggles.
• I walk him to school and home every day, and I love it so much. I walk him all the way to the gate and watch him walk down the walkway between buildings and then enter the doors. Sometimes, he holds the doors open for other kids. He always kisses me and hugs me before he goes in there, and when he comes back out.
• He's not crazy about school. (I went and did library time and then a story with his class yesterday, and I can understand why. It's just so chaotic; and much of the time doesn't seem purposeful or well spent.) Often, his sour for the day is "school," and his sweet is "coming home from school." He feels like school is too long. I agree; I wish there were other options.
• When I (and Eloise) read a book to his classroom, all the kids were sitting on a rug in the middle of the room. I told Eloise she could go sit by him. She did, and he put his arm around her for a bit. And then he scratched her back. Just kills me.
• Tonight at an Isotopes game, we noticed how one of the runners was super fast. He said, "Speaking of fast, that reminds me. I need to get in shape!" I laughed and asked him what for. He said, "For running!" Just running in general, not for t-ball or anything in specific. 
• He told me in the car yesterday (and believe me, I was hanging on his every word) that he's been passing notes back and forth with a (super sweet and adorable!) girl named Kahli. I said, "Oh! How exciting. What does the note say?" (Because he doesn't write much, and I'm not sure how much he can write, to be honest, because he doesn't really like it, so I don't force him to do it.) He said, "It says 'XOXOXO.'" He was kind of laughing too, and I couldn't hide my delight at the conversation and was laughing too. I said, "What makes you want to write that?" after he'd told me that he know what it meant, from stuff he'd seen me write. He said, "I don't know, I just wanted to." It was so funny and cute. And appropriate, like the situation: a cute, sweet girl in his class; they're assigned to sit next to each other; he feels like the natural next step is to write her a hugs and kisses note. I'm laughing. Gosh, he's cute.

sweet kids that take a long time for all things

 Here’s another journal entry. Things have been exceptional lately. I’m just so grateful for my sweet kids and I adore them. Eloise is more energy for me, but not too much and I think that Lexapro really heps with that. I do a lot of deep breathing around her. She’s really sweet most of the time and so funny and gosh the way she talks is so cute and funny and amazing. She has a lisp on her s’s. and her r’s are w’s. I just love it. When she has something to say and it comes out coherent and fluid, it always just blows me away how cute it is…it’s like a big girl with little girl mouth features and language skills. But yes she is very very particular. Her interests include doing what she wants at any time. It touches my heart when she gives in, though; it does happen. Probably once a day or so. I’ll explain something to her calmly, and she’ll says kind of dejectedly, “OK, Mom.” It’s really sweet. She’s a good girl. She and Conley take so long to get out the door and to get out of the car. I’m thinking I need to think of a mantra for that, like to deal with it. Like, “This is fine that it takes a while.” “I’m frustrated that this can’t move quickly ,and that’s OK.” I’m going to count to ten and se how many tens it takes.” Or think about it from their perspective. Like, “I am going to get my shoes on now, but I forgot that I brought this candy, so I’m going to try to open it, but it’s hard to open, so I’m going to as my mom, because hse is just standing there and is super available to help me.” I’m laughing.

I’m interested in auditioning to perform at Sawmill Market. I’m going to look at it once I get wifi, off the plane and during my layover in Denver. I’ll probably have Chanelle take some pictures of me or soehting and buy a new dress. I’m might need to do some recording to send them, or a live audition would be awesome. We will see. Once I get wifi.

 

Sunshine

 Eloise is my sunshine, even though she has pushed me a little more lately, it seems extra bad mostly because she has just been an absolute delight up until now. She still is most of the time. But when she's not, she's far from it. She is very three. The other night she woke up at 1 am because her tummy hurt and she wanted bubblegum medicine. So I got it out and opened the microwave for some light and she got so incredibly pissed, crying so loud, because I'd turned a light on. I poured some medicine, shut the microwave, and tried to give it to her. But she refused to take it. I had to pour it without the light on (after she spit it the first attempt out). And then she took it. Man, she's crazy. 

She says "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" over and over. To the point that sometimes I wonder if she is actually saying it on purpose to get my attention, or just because it's a habit or a space filler or something. She's really something else. 

But she does the sweetest things sometimes too.  She made up a song the other night when I was laying by her. Stuff like, "I like this, I like that, I like this, I love this." And more stuff that was just so cute and funny and amazing. I love her voice. It's so high-pitched and sweet. And her ch's are kind of like Sid the Sloth a little bit. And her s's are a little lisped, like Conley's. Tonight, I just looked at her sweet profile. Her cheeks are so soft and pink and smooth and round. And her libs are so beautiful and soft too. It's just so hard not to kiss her all the time.

She's giggle and funny. She was saying, "I'm hot!" So, I'd take the blanket off of her. Then, "I'm cold!" So I'd put it back on. And back and forth and back and forth over and over and giggling. 

She is sooo ticklish on her neck. Joseph plays this adorable game with her where he pretends something is on the ceiling so that she will look up, and then he tickles her neck. She is starting to predict it, though, so she will cover her neck with her hands or tuck in her chin and giggle, resisting the temptation to look up. It takes all she has not to!

Conley has been an angel lately. I feel like his young young boy stage, like post-toddler, slipped through my fingers, like I was watching sand fall through. Slipping away from me. I could see him growing before my eyes, just getting more mature and less dependent. Thankfully, he still loves me and wants and needs snuggles and hugs. It's my favorite when he comes up to me randomly throughout the day and hugs me. He loves those sweet, deep (and quick!) connections. He always wants me to come tell him tomorrow's schedule each night. He loves listening to Joseph read him chapter books at night. He is such a good teacher to Eloise and other kids; he teaches them how to do stuff in such a patient way. He has good suggestions and presents them in gentle ways. Whenever get gets a snack, he gets two--one for him and one for Eloise. They work out problems pretty well together. It usually ends up in giggles. Homeschooling him, for the majority of the time, makes me want to pull my hair out. He lays on the ground, rolls around, takes forever to complete stuff. Eye roll. Me teaching him isn't that effective, I think.

Joseph: "While we were dirt bike riding last week, Eloise was just singing: 'I love riding! It's so fun! Faster, Dad!' The kids have so much fun when we look at houses." 

My little Christlike boy

 Conley said a very touching thing yesterday. Eloise woke up with a "wobbly" tummy, and I knew she would eventually throw up. When she did, we were walking down the hall to the bathroom. Conley was by us, and when he saw her little body force itself to throw up, he said sincerely, "Oh, I wish it could be me." I told him how sweet that was. And he just said, "It hurts so much." It was so sweet and made my eyes a little misty.

Later, he made a stack of books that she liked for me to read to her. The top one was a Frozen book, and after that was a ballerina one. He picked them out especially for her, each from different shelves in the playroom. He really has missed her the last couple days, just her not being around for him to play with. He asks, "Is Eloise awake?" or "Where's Eloise?" a lot. I can tell he misses his little buddy. He's understanding when he asks me to do things and I say I'm going to stay here and hold her or whatever.