Eloise's softest cheeks

 Her cheeks are so soft and the perfect amount of squishy. She (and Conley does this too) just lets me kiss them (those cheeks). In Costco walking around, with her in the cart and her face close to mine, I just can't resist. I just kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss them and she lets me, almost like she doesn't notice. I love those cheeks. I love that sweet girl. 

Tonight Conley said through loud cry tears, "I'm mad at everyone but YOU!" He was mad because punk Joseph had just sprayed him with the hose. He was mad at Eloise because she had spilled some of the water in this big turquoise bucket, water Conley had collected during that last snow storm this week. I asked him what he wanted to do with it, and he said, "Clean it and give it back to New Mexico to help with the drought." Gosh he's so sweet.

Kelsey Cardon gave me a bunch of boxes to take home for him. She'd given him a set of screws and tools just for cardboard boxes for his birthday. I took them home and told him and for a few hours, he worked on those boxes in the garage. He loves working and creating. We read a page in the Heavenly Mother book about our Heavenly Parents being creators and it prompted the question: what have you created that you're proud of. He said, "I made a waterfall" (at school in the playground...he's spent this whole semester of recesses digging) "and the water I collected." He thought of those things first and foremost for some reason. He is so good at creating. He makes LEGO stuff and Connects stuff and does tons of art, those boxes, on and on. 

Conley's dinosaur birthday party and Eloise's thoughts on homelessness

 They're really just too much. They make my life so good and so rich and so full. I just can't imagine life without them. I'm having so much fun and fulfillment being a mom. I love what I learn from being their mom, like that Eloise has a soft heart and doesn't like if I get truly frustrated with her. Conley loves snuggling and absorbs things so quickly when he's listening. 

Russia invaded Ukraine a week and a half ago and it's been heartbreaking to watch. I've told the kids about it a bit. His prayer the other night was this: "Please bless that Russia will stop being so fierce and that Ukraine will get to stay its own country." Eloise mentioned Putin and that he would stop or something like that. 

Today we had a birthday party for Conley. It was so fun. I planned the activities with him and they were all a huge success. We put little dinosaurs in baking soda paste that hardened into eggs, and then squirted vinegar on them. And then the kids dug up bigger dinosaurs. And they excavated a T-Rex skeleton that I got from Target. Then they designed the most amazing LEGO dinosaurs without directions! It was impressive what they came up with: moving arms, legs, jaws, wings. I loved it and was super impressed. Then we had cake and ice cream and they just jumped on the tramp. Conley loved it so much. I love making him happy.

I read to him tonight. We give him melatonin nowadays, and it helps him so much. It's so cute when he gets sleepy. I've been reading him a book called Fudge by Judy Blume. Joseph had a good idea to start reading the Bible with him so he bought a kids Bible. It's gnarly and the art is crazy looking but Conley loves it. He insists on reading two stories every night. Joseph also started a journal with him, so we wrote in that tonight and he dictated all about the presents he got and the excavation kit. 

I told him earlier today, "You are my favorite. Did you know that?" And he stopped and hugged my legs (we were walking to the kitchen) and said, "No." And I said, "Yep. You're my favorite." And he just looked at me and smiled. It was so sweet for some reason. Tonight, I said, "Do you remember what I told you are earlier today?" He smiled mischievously and said, "Birthday boy." I tickled him and he giggled.

He was so sweet to Eloise the whole party. I just love how he lets her play with him and his 8 friends/cousins that came today. It's just amazing. And this morning he cried when she didn't want to play a game with him that he wanted to play. He loves playing with her. They play really well together, for the most part.

We did Come Follow Me tonight, which we don't do that often these days. It was nice. Afterward, Eloise was like, "I know something about the Bible. There were guys with bandages all over and they were sick and they couldn't even go to their houses. But then they were walking and saw Jesus and his disciples and Jesus healed them all! And they were able to go back to their houses." I asked if they said thank you, and she said, "Only one!" We talked about that. Then Conley said a prayer, and in it, he blessed the people who don't have houses "that they would have a really good time." I know he means that they will be OK and be able to have a happy life. When he finished the prayer, Eloise said, "I worry about the people standing on the highway." We see a lot of homeless people these days. I said something about that there are resources for them like homeless shelters, but that it's hard to get long-term housing because it's so expensive. And she said, "Yeah and they walk all over and they are so tired." It was so, so, so sweet. She was feeling it for them. And Joseph was so sweet about it, too. He said, "Yes and it's hard to get a job when you don't have an address." Anyway, it was a special moment for us, all mourning together for them. I just felt so touched that she (and Conley) notice.

Eloise is a delight. She's been a beautiful, bright, delicious delight every day of her life. Her language is amazing right now: amazingly cute. She can't say her Rs, so words like church, shirt, river, on and on, are just too much. She has big feelings but can be comforted with love and snuggle. She reminds me to be calm and patient and gentle, because why wouldn't I be? I feel like she and Conley both do that: they make it so clear to me what they are feeling and that they are thinking and feeling and intentional beings, and that impatience or fierceness are just a waste and also harmful. I love feeling how they feel and seeing the world through their eyes.

School started for three of the four of us

 School started. Me, Eloise, and Conley. With Conley being apart from me six hours a day, a few things happen that are even more meaningful than they might be if I were with him all day:

• He wants me to snuggle with him at night. When I do, he sits up as I crawl up his loft bed ladder and waits for me with his arms outstretched. He wraps his arms around my neck and holds me so close.
• When we read a funny book or watch a funny movie and something just strikes him as funny, he giggles as though you just tickled him in the ribs. It's so cute. It just bubbles out of him like he can't control it. I love it so much. His face, which is usually somewhat serious, just look so happy and his smile is so big.
• Most recently, we were reading a Little Critter joke book. Darn. I just looked for it around the house so that I could type in the one that made him laugh. I think it was a pun. It was so cute, because he'd been pretty even-tempered at all the jokes, until that one. And then he just lost it in giggles.
• I walk him to school and home every day, and I love it so much. I walk him all the way to the gate and watch him walk down the walkway between buildings and then enter the doors. Sometimes, he holds the doors open for other kids. He always kisses me and hugs me before he goes in there, and when he comes back out.
• He's not crazy about school. (I went and did library time and then a story with his class yesterday, and I can understand why. It's just so chaotic; and much of the time doesn't seem purposeful or well spent.) Often, his sour for the day is "school," and his sweet is "coming home from school." He feels like school is too long. I agree; I wish there were other options.
• When I (and Eloise) read a book to his classroom, all the kids were sitting on a rug in the middle of the room. I told Eloise she could go sit by him. She did, and he put his arm around her for a bit. And then he scratched her back. Just kills me.
• Tonight at an Isotopes game, we noticed how one of the runners was super fast. He said, "Speaking of fast, that reminds me. I need to get in shape!" I laughed and asked him what for. He said, "For running!" Just running in general, not for t-ball or anything in specific. 
• He told me in the car yesterday (and believe me, I was hanging on his every word) that he's been passing notes back and forth with a (super sweet and adorable!) girl named Kahli. I said, "Oh! How exciting. What does the note say?" (Because he doesn't write much, and I'm not sure how much he can write, to be honest, because he doesn't really like it, so I don't force him to do it.) He said, "It says 'XOXOXO.'" He was kind of laughing too, and I couldn't hide my delight at the conversation and was laughing too. I said, "What makes you want to write that?" after he'd told me that he know what it meant, from stuff he'd seen me write. He said, "I don't know, I just wanted to." It was so funny and cute. And appropriate, like the situation: a cute, sweet girl in his class; they're assigned to sit next to each other; he feels like the natural next step is to write her a hugs and kisses note. I'm laughing. Gosh, he's cute.

sweet kids that take a long time for all things

 Here’s another journal entry. Things have been exceptional lately. I’m just so grateful for my sweet kids and I adore them. Eloise is more energy for me, but not too much and I think that Lexapro really heps with that. I do a lot of deep breathing around her. She’s really sweet most of the time and so funny and gosh the way she talks is so cute and funny and amazing. She has a lisp on her s’s. and her r’s are w’s. I just love it. When she has something to say and it comes out coherent and fluid, it always just blows me away how cute it is…it’s like a big girl with little girl mouth features and language skills. But yes she is very very particular. Her interests include doing what she wants at any time. It touches my heart when she gives in, though; it does happen. Probably once a day or so. I’ll explain something to her calmly, and she’ll says kind of dejectedly, “OK, Mom.” It’s really sweet. She’s a good girl. She and Conley take so long to get out the door and to get out of the car. I’m thinking I need to think of a mantra for that, like to deal with it. Like, “This is fine that it takes a while.” “I’m frustrated that this can’t move quickly ,and that’s OK.” I’m going to count to ten and se how many tens it takes.” Or think about it from their perspective. Like, “I am going to get my shoes on now, but I forgot that I brought this candy, so I’m going to try to open it, but it’s hard to open, so I’m going to as my mom, because hse is just standing there and is super available to help me.” I’m laughing.

I’m interested in auditioning to perform at Sawmill Market. I’m going to look at it once I get wifi, off the plane and during my layover in Denver. I’ll probably have Chanelle take some pictures of me or soehting and buy a new dress. I’m might need to do some recording to send them, or a live audition would be awesome. We will see. Once I get wifi.

 

Sunshine

 Eloise is my sunshine, even though she has pushed me a little more lately, it seems extra bad mostly because she has just been an absolute delight up until now. She still is most of the time. But when she's not, she's far from it. She is very three. The other night she woke up at 1 am because her tummy hurt and she wanted bubblegum medicine. So I got it out and opened the microwave for some light and she got so incredibly pissed, crying so loud, because I'd turned a light on. I poured some medicine, shut the microwave, and tried to give it to her. But she refused to take it. I had to pour it without the light on (after she spit it the first attempt out). And then she took it. Man, she's crazy. 

She says "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" over and over. To the point that sometimes I wonder if she is actually saying it on purpose to get my attention, or just because it's a habit or a space filler or something. She's really something else. 

But she does the sweetest things sometimes too.  She made up a song the other night when I was laying by her. Stuff like, "I like this, I like that, I like this, I love this." And more stuff that was just so cute and funny and amazing. I love her voice. It's so high-pitched and sweet. And her ch's are kind of like Sid the Sloth a little bit. And her s's are a little lisped, like Conley's. Tonight, I just looked at her sweet profile. Her cheeks are so soft and pink and smooth and round. And her libs are so beautiful and soft too. It's just so hard not to kiss her all the time.

She's giggle and funny. She was saying, "I'm hot!" So, I'd take the blanket off of her. Then, "I'm cold!" So I'd put it back on. And back and forth and back and forth over and over and giggling. 

She is sooo ticklish on her neck. Joseph plays this adorable game with her where he pretends something is on the ceiling so that she will look up, and then he tickles her neck. She is starting to predict it, though, so she will cover her neck with her hands or tuck in her chin and giggle, resisting the temptation to look up. It takes all she has not to!

Conley has been an angel lately. I feel like his young young boy stage, like post-toddler, slipped through my fingers, like I was watching sand fall through. Slipping away from me. I could see him growing before my eyes, just getting more mature and less dependent. Thankfully, he still loves me and wants and needs snuggles and hugs. It's my favorite when he comes up to me randomly throughout the day and hugs me. He loves those sweet, deep (and quick!) connections. He always wants me to come tell him tomorrow's schedule each night. He loves listening to Joseph read him chapter books at night. He is such a good teacher to Eloise and other kids; he teaches them how to do stuff in such a patient way. He has good suggestions and presents them in gentle ways. Whenever get gets a snack, he gets two--one for him and one for Eloise. They work out problems pretty well together. It usually ends up in giggles. Homeschooling him, for the majority of the time, makes me want to pull my hair out. He lays on the ground, rolls around, takes forever to complete stuff. Eye roll. Me teaching him isn't that effective, I think.

Joseph: "While we were dirt bike riding last week, Eloise was just singing: 'I love riding! It's so fun! Faster, Dad!' The kids have so much fun when we look at houses." 

My little Christlike boy

 Conley said a very touching thing yesterday. Eloise woke up with a "wobbly" tummy, and I knew she would eventually throw up. When she did, we were walking down the hall to the bathroom. Conley was by us, and when he saw her little body force itself to throw up, he said sincerely, "Oh, I wish it could be me." I told him how sweet that was. And he just said, "It hurts so much." It was so sweet and made my eyes a little misty.

Later, he made a stack of books that she liked for me to read to her. The top one was a Frozen book, and after that was a ballerina one. He picked them out especially for her, each from different shelves in the playroom. He really has missed her the last couple days, just her not being around for him to play with. He asks, "Is Eloise awake?" or "Where's Eloise?" a lot. I can tell he misses his little buddy. He's understanding when he asks me to do things and I say I'm going to stay here and hold her or whatever.

I hope you remember

 A note to myself:

I hope you remember how, while reading to a sleepy Eloise on the bottom bunk, and listening to Joseph's soothing and quieted voice on the top bunk, there was a pause while Joseph checked his phone briefly to see where the OU game was, and Conley said, "They got it? Oh, yes!" It doesn't take much for him to get excited about OU stuff; all he needs is to watch Joseph do it.

I hope you remember how Eloise told you how to rub her back, knowing that she would soon fall asleep I hope you remember how her hair glowed in the little light that was in the room just the one from Joseph's flashlight or phone light from the top bunk. I hope you remember how sad she was when we told her she couldn't bring water into her room in her play dishes. How serious of an issue it was to her. 

I hope you remember how Conley wanted to read history and science books, the same kind I would get lost in for a while and wish I understood and remembered everything. He said, "I want to have Conley-Mama time and read books." And he picked an anatomy book first and wanted to learn about muscles and movement, and then the body overall. Then he got a book that has images from the twentieth century in it and he wanted to read every page he stopped on. And when Eloise saw the page with two kids (immigrant toddlers standing in front of a door on Ellis Island in the early 1900s), Eloise said, "Dese po childwen not have families" in such a somber voice.