Birthday

I didn't expect to cry when that little boy in red and blue and green striped pajamas crawled into my bed this morning. We snuggled on him and I kissed him and told him what today was. He repeated "birthday" a few times. I love him so much. I felt so grateful for him and for the two years of perfect love he has given me. I thought about when he was born and how I felt the first time I held him and his little baby hand went up and down on my ribs. I thought of how empty my life would have been these last two years without him, and how I would be such a different person if I were still childless, and Conley-less. He's so wonderful and sweet and good. I put him to sleep; it was a sweet little blessing because Joseph went to YM, and although I didn't want him to go because I wanted him to be home with us and it's nice to have him here, it ended up being such a sweet experience for me to bathe Conley and play with him and watch him and laugh at him and read with him and snuggle with him and sing to him and pray with him (he got up from laying down and knelt on his own). He kept saying, "lay by you" and I couldn't bear not to. So I lay by him for half an hour or so. He was so sweet and cute. Quiet, mostly. But every once in a while would say something cute. ANd he also too kout his binky and I felt his wet lips on y face. He said, "Kiss you" a few times and melted my heart into a little puddle. It was so cute. I tried not to giggle, but I couldn't really suppress it.

He's an angel and I don't deserve to feel the love that I feel. It's like heaven on earth.