Some things

Eloise is so funny. She just laughs at everything and totally pushes buttons, but then cheesy grins. She can get her way out of everything! It's so funny. I freaking love her. Today I turned the water on to heat up for a shower, and she got her bath toys out of the cupboard. When I told her it was for a shower and not a bath, she turned around, deposited the bucket back under the cupboard, and walked away. It was really funny for some reason.

Conley leaves a cup on the fridge ledge where the water spout is. Haha just leaves it there. So he can easily access water when he gets thirsty. I asked him if that was why he left it there and he said, "yeah." hahahahah

Conley wanted to read Jesus's birth story for extended reverent scripture time today. It was sweet. We talked about it a lot throuhgout the month. So I talked about Joseph Smith and the plates. I made little cardboard and foil plates and buried them under a blanket and stuff. It was fun. Also, after church, the nursery leaders gave us Conley's and Eloise's blank pictures of Joseph Smith and the first vision. When I was snuggling with him later after we got home (he totally cured my headache on my bed), I asked him what he learned at church. He said idk. So I said, "Donald Duck? Mickey Mouse? Woody? Buzz Lightyear?" And finally he giggled and stepped in. "No! No! joseph Smith!" And I said, "What did he do?"

"Went into the woods and kneeled down."
"Why?"
"Because he wanted to see Jesus."
"Why? What did he ask Jesus?"
"Which church he should go to."
"And what did Jesus say?"
"He said he should go to Jesus's church."

It was so cute and sweet. I always want to ask lots of questions. And also to not get caught up in details or check boxes or whatever, and focus on conversion and asking questions and forging a strong relationship with Heavenly Father.

Eloise has been saying more and more things. She definitely says "no" the most. Haha. This week she said "Pay Pay, no." She was talking to Perri, whom she calls "Pay Pay." Her hair is just past her shoulders. So soooo unbelievably soft and beautiful, curly and bright bright white-blond. She just melts me. Her cheeks and nose and smile are just to die for. I told Joseph the other day, and I'll tell you here, that the best word to describe children is "delightful." She has been delicious and delightful at every stage.

Christmas lights and Conley said something sweet

Conley has been yell-crying lately and it gets so loud and obnoxious. I have been patient for the most part. We figured out that drawing on the dry erase board helps him calm down. So I offered that today, and he drew for a while. He ended up drawing Jesus. "Look, Mom! I drew baby Jesus! But I didn't draw the hay or the manger yet. I'm gonna draw that now.....Look at the manger, Mom!" And it was a little baby with hay under it. So sweet. He also came up from the basement and I said, "I thought you wanted to be in the basement and play." And he said, "I came up her because you're up here and you're my favorite thing." It was so sweet and I loved him for it.

We went, the four of us, after dinner, downtown to the Union Pacific headquarters to see the big Christmas tree and the train that goes around and around it. The kids just loved it. Then we walked across the street and walked down the river trail and saw all the trees with lights on them. It was so pretty. Eloise loved it. She walked a little and held my hand, but I held her close the rest of the time and she just kept looking above her head, so fascinated by all the lights. I used to think my dad was so cheesy when he'd talk about family time and how it was so precious to him. But seriously it is the best. I just relish in it.

Christmas break 2018

Uhhh the kids are so yummy and delicious right now. We just sit and watch them. I'm trying to make my motto nowadays "get on the floor"--because I want to remind myself to focus on the kids and soak them up and not worry about cleaning or other stuff. And to just be there and play with them. They are so cute and fun to play with. Conley loves everything Spiderman. Whenever I say something bad that happens, like someone dies or someone gets scared or kids are mean at school (which is one of the reasons I gave to him tonight when he asked me why he is going to do school at home), he always says something like, "But Spider-man comes in and saves them!" But usually it's really intricate, and less sensical. Tonight's: "But Spider-man jumps down through the rook [eye squint and fake laugh] and then he pushes all the mean guys out of the window and they fall down, but they land on the cars but the cars don't get smushed, they just go down [uses hands to show pushing down] and the guys land in the soft seats." I thought this was so sweet, that he was trying to be kind even to the mean guys.

We have been talking about service and giving gifts around Christmas time instead of just getting things (he's not getting much this year). And he just loves talking about service. He points it out all the time. And he likes doing it. Today we walked around the house and found pictures I'd hidden about service. One was a girl writing letters, one was a sister helping her brother on his bike, one was a happy face and sad face, one was a family. He was so sweet. We made a list of things we can do to give gifts, and I want to talk to him about them every day, so that we can get away from tangible presents and stuff. I read an article from Boystown about how to help your children be grateful, and that is one way they suggested: make lists of things to give. A few more ideas:

1. Make a memory mosaic of pictures of your favorite memories throughout the year
2. make gifts to give
3. pick a toy to give away
4. choose what actions to give
5. practice showing appreciation (include for things they DON'T want)
6. give them gifts of attention, and maybe point those out.

And the other day he said something funny too. I was putting him down for bed, and he wanted all these stories and books, but Joseph had already read to him. Anyway, so I sent him into bed, and I said goodnight and he said, "Wait! Do you know how to get to the North Pole??" It was so cute and funny. 

And tonight he said the sweetest prayer. "Heavenly Father, we're grateful we could be together to learn about service, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." He doesn't like praying very often. He always wants me to say it. He has been loving Reverent Scripture Time, though. He loves the stories and books and stuff. 

And Eloise has just beena snuggle bug. We picked her up from Beth's house late (she was already asleep), and when we got home, I got into bed with her and we snuggled belly to belly and it was just so nice. She seriously is just the snuggliest baby. She LOVES Joseph. He just got out of school on Friday, and she hasn't let him put her down since:).  I definitely have to steal my snuggles from her, and usually it's only by tickling her, or by giving her food. Or the occasional book. I just love her so much. She is saying so much--mostly jabbering still. So funny. So expressive and happy. She has so so many sounds. She says, go, don't, spicy (picy), nan (conley), nana, papa, beshie, pay pay (Perri), baby, bee bee (binky), eat, may (Mavis), nana (banana), cheese, cheese (Jesus).  It's delightful. 

Eloise talking

Tonight in the bath, I'd say a word, and then Eloise would copy it. She was really close on most of them! So cute. We said, bath, dad, mama, go, truck, car, dog, car, water, bed, milk, cheeks, prom-ise, asleep, and others. She is just adorable.

She also has an adorable kissy face.

Thanksgiving week 2018

This was such a fun week. Perfect. Fun. Delightful. Funny. Relaxing. Tasty. Easygoing. Just wonderful.

It started off wonderful because Joseph was off school Monday and Tuesday, unexpectedly (the computers were down at Creighton, so they couldn't access patient health records and therefore didn't want to do work in the clinic). So we had two extra days with Daddy and husband. The kids just loved it, especially Eloise. She followed him around. She goes back and forth yelling "Mama! Dada! Mama! Dada!" It's really fun. When you hold her, she wraps her little arm around your neck and holds onto your neck fat with her baby fat hands.

Here are some things we did:

• Nana and Papa came
• We went to Home Depot Saturday morning; Conley loooooved it. So much so that he invited everyone to go there instead of the zoo later that day. "Have you guys seen Home Depot?" And when we got into the car that day for the rest of the day, he said, "No! I want to go to Home Depot!" He read the F R E E sign at the front of the store, too. We made gingerbread men out of wood and paint. Conley didn't really like that Eloise and mama finished nailing first. He loved all the sticker decorations.
• Monday and Tuesday (this is Joseph) Eloise seemed so happy to have him home and she would randomly wrap her arms around him. She knew that it was extra time with Daddy.
• On Friday we went to Wheatfields in the morning. The caramel rolls are so so good there. We also got hot chocolate. And then a breakfast burrito, which was so far from NM but still really good. Then we went to Mulhall's and it was so gorgeous and magical. Tons of decorations, set out so perfectly, and the reindeer were so fun to see. And the Christmas tree tent smelled like absolute heaven. And then we went to Menard's and got the fullest and cheapest tree we've got yet. It's so pretty and perfect. Conley rode from Mulhall's to Menard's in the truck with Daddy and he loved that. Then we went home and decorated the tree and put up Christmas decorations and it was so fun. And Conley lovvvvved it. I made him a shelf just of kids' decorations (nativities and stuff), and he reorganizes it (and the bottom ornaments, with Eloise) all the time. This morning he was sweeping up needles with his hands. It was so cute. When I asked him at bathtime what he liked best that day, he said decorating the Christmas tree. He was so focused that day he could hardly sit down to EAT! It was so cute and funny. We also watched Polar Express, had wassail that Papa made that day, and ate cashew chicken that Joseph made. 
• Joseph was just so sweet and funny and kind to me Friday and Saturday and Sunday. It made everything so easy. 
• On Thanksgiving, Quinn and I ran a half marathon. That was awesome! It was hard and hilly. But the weather was so incredible and perfect. I loved it. The run was honestly really wonderful and fun too. I tripped at the end and my mom caught it on camera! Haha without knowing it or meaning to. 
• Thanksgiving dinner food was pretty good. I got a lot of it prepped and cooked the night before, so if nothing else, I was low stress the next day and proud of myself:).
• The kids were so fun and easy at Beth's house. 
•  

So so delightful

Conley and Eloise. Wow. Right now I am in a phase where I am just so happy with them. I just eat them up. I love every minute of watching them play or playing with them. They are fun and funny and so cute. They both snuggle so good. They both looooove reading. Conley has loved it for a couple years now, but Eloise has just started realliy loving it; and for most books, she will sit still. She brings me books all the time to read to her. And we will sit, all three of us, on the couch, me in the middle, with my arms around each of them, and read books together. And it only stops when I stop it. They could go on like that for hours. It's been so fun. Conley actually learns from the books and talks about things he saw or remembers from them. It's amazing and so cute.

Today Conley played at Benjamin's for a few hours. Eloise and I gave a friend a ride, and then had just under an hour to hang at home. And that's just what we did. I just sat on the floor in the kitchen and watched her play and ate with her and just laughed at her. She's got this big cheesy grin lately. Her gapped teeth just stick right out, because she squints her eyes and nose and sticks out her chin. It's amazing and so cute and funny. She loves laughing and she loves playing. She gets a playful look in her eye when she knows I'm playing. And she just loves it. She also loves candy! Gosh I have to hide it from her. She really has a sixth sense for it, I swear. I love holding her. She's still little. And she melts into you when you hold her. She was a pumpkin for Halloween today, and she loved wearing her costume. And at each house she just stared at the person until they gave her a piece of candy. She loves going on walks. She really just loves everything. Tonight she didn't want me to carry her around! She just wanted to walk, like Conley, I think, and get candy from all the places.

Conley and I just love spending time together. I tell him that and mean it just about e ery day. And he always smiles so warmly. I love him so much. He loves making things. We made a fuzzy green spider out of pipe cleaner the other day. We made pumpkins with paper, and today skull masks with paper and sticks. We made pumpkin cookies yesterday. He loves creating things. ANd he is creative! He made a web with electrical tape. It mostly looked lik a circle or something, all around the edhe of our kitchen table. But it was sweet. And today he said he likes violin! This made me so happy because for a few weeks, he really didn't like it. He has been practicing with Joseph and that has made it morefun for him. We had his first concert today, and he did really well. He didn't pay the two hardest songs right at all; he has a hard time getting Mississippi stop stop down. But I'm not worried about it. He'll get it eventually. I mostly just want him to enjoy doing something and work towards a goal. And focus on another teacher, other than me or Joseph😊😊Aso the other day, he saw some (TMI) period bathroom stuff and aske dabout it. So I told him what a period was lol. And asked why women have eggs, and I said because that's how they have babies. And then he said he wanted two more babies. And I said we probably weren't going to have anymore, and he said, "but i want a Perri." It was very sweet. I told him that I just wanted to spend tim eiwht him and Eloise though. He seemed OK with it. Then the next day he and Eloie played with a baby doll for like half the day. Fed her, put a blanket on her, pushed her around in their play shopping cart. It was really sweet. I think it's good for them.

He also said, the other day, out of the blue, when we were crawling on my bed to snuggle and read: "I love having time with you." My heart melted. I just love him so much.

I love the relationship I have with my children. The other day the thought just hit me, how special a mother to child relationship is. It's like nothing else. They love you, need you, want to be with you, can't live without you. It's so special and unique and unlike anything else. I feel so incredibly fortunate to experience it. I feel so undeserving, too.

Thailand and other lately

The kids have been doing so many funny and wonderful thing lately. Conley is just such a good big borther, especially when he is well rested and fed:) Sometimes he will wake up and just want to cuddle with Eloise. Right when he wakes up is my favorite, because he always plays with my hair or softly runs his little hand on my arm or something He is just so precious. He's been listening really well,and he loves getting things explained to him. He is really into stories lately; he will do aything if you have a story for him. It's so cute. He also loves singing and talking and playing, and something he sings and talks really loud. He just has this arsenal of energy and if he hasn't run around for a while or something, he just is really loud lol. Sometimes it's strt ways to calm him down. Asking usually isn't enough, although he will lower the volume for a little bit for me. He loves picking Eloise up and moving her around. He tried to get her on his bed or the couch ,and I have to tell him not to because she could fall off. He is really good about prote ting her and being aware of what she is doing. Like he will shut the basement door if it is open and she i walking toward it (we keep it closed usually because of the stairs_. He loves playing with her and being around her. They are the sweetest cutest pair.

Eloise is gettign busy! She has figured out how to climb up onto just about everything. She pulls herself up onto the kitchen chairs and then climbs up onto the table. If she can't get down, she just stands there and loudly, sing-songly says, "Mom! Mama! Mom! Mama!" She has "mama" and "dad" mixed up a little bit. She uses "mama" for both, which is funny and fine with me. Since being back from Thailand, she is having a hard time sleeping straight through and also being on her own. She is tired and clingy. So I'm just trying to keep er close and do what she needs me to do.. It's hard, though. There are lots of dishes in the sink! And it's 4:30 AM, and I'd like to go back to sleep, since both the kids are back down, after an hour or so of playtime, ut I also want to get some stuff done that I know won't et done throughout the day. Like journaling! So I'm typing, and laying my head on the couch with my eyes closed.

So they loved Thailand. Conley got a little overwhelemed with the hustle an dbustly and meeting lots of epole. But he loved playing with little Thai kids. He made friends with them really easily. He loved khaw niw and muu bing and cocoa yen, I never once ate a whole coca yen before he stole it from me:). It was cute. He also loved Sevens, randomly lol. He also loved the red nom briaws. There weren't any run ins with dogs, and neither of them got one mosquio bite! We were so blessed. So blessed. Conley loved the palne rides. Even the super long ones! They were sooooo much better than I expected. He shocked me: I told him in Tai Pai, "Conley, we have to get on another plane, and then we will be in Thailand," and he said, "We get to get on another  plane??" He was so excited lol. What a sweetie.

I got so grateful for carseats, not because of the safety they provide but because of the fact that they strap th ekids in!!! Gosh it was stressful and isane keeping those two cats sitting down, or just keeping them from crawling all over or to tthe front or whatever.

Yeah so Eloise loed everything abot THailand. THey slep amazing once we got there. And they are doing all right adjusting back here. Actually notreally lol. Tongiht is better than last night for sure though. Just one hour of play time in the middle of the night and two nights ago it was more than that. Shoot Eloise just woke up. I should be sleeping right now lol.

Eloise loved playing and walking around and eating and yeah. She is such a mover, you can't keep her still really. But all the khon thais were obsessed with her and wanted to play with her and hold her, so I feel like I got lots and lots of breaks

Conley talks about killing a lot. Like killing bugs or bd guys. I'm trying to channel it away from killing, because I don't like it and I don't see violence as necessary. But he did say soething really sweet the other day. on the plane back home. I was telling him a story about the scritpures. ANd randmly he asked why Jesus got killed. So I told him why the jews/romans killed Him, and then I gave him a more spiritual explanation of why He died for us. And he responded with: "I'm gonna go to Ameria, and get Moroni's sword out of his...place, and I'm gonna kill those bad guys and unnail Jesus from the cross." It was so sweet.

He has been asking lots of Why's lately, which I really love He wants to learn, and he's good at it.

Post boards

Life with Joseph home has been absolutely blessed. Conley had a tough first day (for no reason), but since then he has been such a sweet angel. He listens really well and obeys me. And if I help him do his chores, he does all of them. He says things like, "Mommy can I help you?" He's told me twice this week that my dress is pretty. I broke a bookshelf and all the books came tumbling off, and Joseph just stood there, and Conley said, "Mommy are you OK?" He is just so wonderful. He is also a big helper with Eloise or if we are babysitting. But today, I gave him a dry erase marker to use while I put Eloise down. And I looked at him and told him to only write on the board. I thought he would listen. That's why I did it. Nope. All over the wall, and chair, and table and big chair. It was terrible. But a Mr clean eraser got it out, and he even wanted to help (and he did a great job cleaning it off!). He said, "I'm sorry I drawed on the wall, Mom." He's constantly saying things and telling long stories. I love them and I love him. I layed by him to put him down yesterday and I fell asleep with him and it was heavenly. He had his arm around my neck. Mmmm. He's so snuggly too. He'll get in bed with me or want me to hold him on the couch after he wakes up.

I had a really short temper today, and I whacked him when he did some bad things (he pulled my hair once and he pushed Eloise once or something). I felt really bad, though; both times he cried really hard. I told him I was sorry right away and I held him. He's so forgiving. Like one minute later he doesn't remember.

He inserts "suddenly" and some other bigger words into stories sometimes and it's so adorable. He loves "actually" and "definitely." And he'll say "I sure can" if you catch him at the right time.

being a part of my children's lives

Conley and I sat in the thick shade of a tree outside Hanscom Pool today, waiting for the pool to open. Eloise was asleep in her stroller. He had a swim shirt and trunks on, and a Spiderman Puddle Jumper vest and a blue water hat. He had his swim shoes on. And he was just looking around. He didn't care what he looked like, or that I had to put sunblock on him. He didn't care that other people were coming to the pool too. He just looked around and talked to me and asked questions. He pointed to the letters on the "DRUG FREE ZONE" sign hanging on the fence outside the pool. He wanted to sit on our towel so that bugs from the grass wouldn't get on him. He asked a couple times when "they were done inside" so we could go in and play. But he didn't push it and he didn't complain. His face was one of discovery and contentment. And I just fell in love with him. I love that boy so much. He is so seet and funny and imaginative. He sings a lot. And he listens really well when I ask him to quiet down. He loves playing with Eloise. He was still timid at the pool slide (Eloise wasn't at all). He loves talked to Jay. He loves playing hide-and-seek or building a tree house in Eloise's crib (which means he just throws in all the pillows from my bed). Sometimes he calls it a tiger cage.

We saw four different groups of people yesterday, with babysitting, play dates, and mutual. It was way too much. So today I just wanted to take the kids and spend time with just them. And it was so wonderful. I want to schedule no more than like two social activities during the day each week. My kids and time with them are just way too precious.

Tonight Joseph wanted to take Eloise on a bike ride, and I need to pick up some picture frames and stop by the store. So I told Conley that he got to come with me and spend time together. He was so excited. He jumped out of his chair. And ran around talking about it. We went to Walgreens first, and I got him a sucker. He chose red, because that is his favorite color lately. It was so fun and sweet. How excited he was. He loved that sucker. It took him an hour to get through it, but he didn't get bored. After our errands, we were up near the temple, so I asked if he wanted to go. He said, "Yeah!" So I drove him there and he said he really wanted to go inside. I told him we would just walk around it instead for now. He saw Moroni right away, and I asked him who Moroni was. He said, "Jesus." And when I said, no, he said, "Heavenly Father." It was so cute. So I told him who Moroni was. We walked around the south and east sides and looked at the pictures in the windows. And went up to the cemetery, and I taught him what that was. And we read the sign by the statue in the cemetery. It felt very sacred. I tried to teach him what sacred meant, but I think we might have to go over it tomorrow. It was so sweet and special. His sticky sucker stuck to my dress at one point:). I love him so much. Being three has been a dream so far (compared to two!). I felt like I was in a dream, cloud 9, or something, all night. I told him I loved spending time with him. He said he had fun too.

Hands in hair

Eloise has been so snuggly lately. She will roll over to me when she is sleeping and just snuggle right up. I love it so much. And to fall asleep sometimes, she will put her hands on my face or in my hair and just fall asleep. She is such an angle. This morning she needed a nap, and Joseph was still sleeping, so I put her in bed with him and shejust snuggled up and went right to sleep. Having her is absolutely incredible. And today she TOOK HER FIRST STEPS! She did it a few times, too! She has such strong legs, stands up all the time. Just so cute and fun. She's so good at it. She is going to be running around soon no doubt.

Feature on Livlyhood

Britt,

You’re so awesome for providing a way for women to support women in life and their careers. You’re such a good person and I’m sure you’ve helped so many so far. Keep it up!!! Also, I’m going to be raw and honest in this, so if you can’t use any of it, I’ll understand. And since you know me, I feel safe telling you exactly how I feel lol. Edit liberally:). Love ya!

• Tell us a little about yourself and your career

Recently a new couple moved into the other half of our duplex. We took the traditional plate of cookies over a few nights after their move-in and introduced ourselves. We asked where they were from, what they did, and so on, and then they returned the questions. When my husband said, “I’m a student, and Bre’s a teacher at Metropolitan Community College,” I just stared at him, waiting for him to finish (with “and a stay-at-home mom”). But he didn’t. Rude. So I jumped in with, “But most of my time is spent with these little ones.”

That was kind of the moment I realized that I am not only OK with being a stay-at-home mom, but I’m proud of it, I thrive off it, and I want people to know about it. For most of my life I couldn’t see myself as a mom. I knew I’d have kids one day, but I didn’t necessarily want them, and I certainly didn’t want momhood to be my main identity. Well, shoot girl shoot. Now I do. I love it.

So, I’m a stay-at-home mom, first and foremost. I spend most of my day lying on my (dusty) hardwood floor, mesmerized while I watch my ten-month-old daughter discover stacking things or my three-year-old son make up words like “corch” (I found out five days into his using this word that it meant a basketball hoop) or tell me things like, “Mom, I growed up and married you in my dream.” Second, and way less important to me although it’s still something I adore, I teach writing classes at a local community college. It’s a night class, once a week, full of first-generation college students, second-language learners, moms, and dads. I love teaching and I love being with students.

• How does your community of women you surround yourself with support you?

The women I choose to develop lasting relationships with are diverse and unique. But most (if not all) of them have at least one thing in common: they believe women are powerful, influential, and deserving of respect. Most of my closest friends are long-distance, so much of the time I’m driving or my husband is studying and the kids are in bed, I’m on the phone. Or viewing and sending Marco Polo videos. One of my close friends has a killer job in San Francisco. She understands stuff like coding, investing, and management, and basically gets promoted annually. She also recently went through a heart-wrenching divorce. But every time we talk on the phone, she asks me how I am, how my children are, how my husband is. She thinks of me and cares about me. And although she doesn’t have children, she has never made me feel less than her for choosing to have children or to stay at home with them. She’s always been supportive.  

Another close friend is opposite from me in nearly everything: movie taste, food taste, political leaning, and educational interests. But when I call her and tell her about the woes of potty-training, she listens and says, “You can do it, mama. You got this. Just another stage and you’ll get through it, you always do.”

And another friend is not at all religious, but she’s eager to hear about my life and feelings, including spirituality. She is so respectful of how I feel, and we have open conversations about religion and family often and comfortably. She is friends with and has introduced me to a number of wonderful people who are lesbian, transgender, or asexual (among many other identities), and her love and respect for people of all backgrounds--religious, cultural, and social--have made me a better person.

• I love that you shared with me that it's a completely feminist decision to decide to stay home to raise your children. What does that mean to you?

I used to think (this is really dreadful and embarrassing, looking back, but it’s how I felt, so I can’t deny it) (take that parenthetical out lol) that women who stayed home with their kids only did so because they weren’t interested in careers. Or because they just loved doing the kid thing, or the kitchen thing, or the overall domesticity thing. And I so wasn’t into that. I used to tell people that I wasn’t getting married until after grad school (I got married one year before graduating undergrad--oops), and that I wouldn’t have kids until I was 30 (I had my oldest when I was 24, in the middle of my graduate program--oops again). I thought true feminists got professional degrees and great careers and were baller (take that out) and then met a boy and so on.

But then I had my surprise baby, and I fell so deep in love with him so quickly. And I got more love than I knew what to do with. And it filled up my heart and overflowed into my whole body and just changed me. And I didn’t want to miss any part of his learning and growing. And I knew that he would be the happiest and the healthiest if he had an attentive, present mother. So I decided to be that. I finished my graduate program, which was a wonderful decision. He was just over one at that point. But I put my plans for a doctorate on hold for a while.

I had a hard time after graduate school. The first six months of staying home full time wasn’t easy. I was used to a very fast pace, productive, busy, full schedule. And it seemed like I didn’t do anything all day. But over time, my perspective changed. And my definition of fast paced has changed to getting our teeth brushed by 9 AM; productive is now finding the alphabet while reading a book; busy is doing play-dough and making cookies in one afternoon; and our schedule is full if we make it out of the house once or twice a day.

I feel like I couldn’t be any happier and like I am the luckiest woman in the world.

• What do you wish you could go back and tell your younger self re: your career aspirations?

Is this bad? Nothing. I honestly wouldn’t! It has taken me a long time to learn to love life, and nothing could have sped that process up. I just needed to go through difficult things and learn from them.

If I had to, though, I would have said, “Study what you love in college. Don’t do something just because it’s mom-friendly. You can do anything and be a mom, and still love both of them.” (Britt--I don’t expect you to remember this, but I was an IR major and I was obsessed with it. After DC I changed to speech pathology because DC was so intense that I thought I’d never be able to have a family and still do the career I wanted. Huge mistake, yo. I hated speech pathology, and got a freaking degree in it. So stupid. I totally should have stuck with IR, because I could have done whatever I wanted! For real. I ended up getting a master’s in English anyway, because I love writing and editing and teaching. So it worked out in the end.)

• What is your career-related mantra?

For mom-ing: Follow your heart. Don’t listen to self-help books, sleep training techniques, mommy blogs unless it resonates with your heart. Don’t compare yourself to others, and if social media makes you do that, take a break. And the last thing: put down your freaking phone and be present. These baby angels need you.

For teaching writing: I love writing, but I love people more. So I care way more about helping someone believe in themselves than I do about them remembering subject-verb agreement.

Found a cat today

Today I read some research on the internet about toddlers. Conley has been yelling a lot the past few days. Some of the advice on the internet said to not punish him for it, but two be calm and patient and try to figure out why he might be yelling. I think a punishment, like it's thinking time, is fine if he is yelling for no good reason. But sometimes, he just needs help saying how he feels. His verbal skills are so good, but his emotional skills and even communication skills are still developing. I need to remember that. The article also recommended some things that I'm already trying to do, but it felt good to have more encouragement to do some things. Some of those things include, just snuggling with him everyday. It said how much kids need snuggling and love and actions that show love to them. Also, spending time outside and doing physical activity is so important for them. It said that toddlers need 3 hours a day of that! So today, I tried to wrestle with collymore. And pick him up and throw him on the couch and stuff like that. And even just tickle him more. And I snuggle time whenever I could. It was so fun and wonderful and just made me feel so much love toward him. Something really sweet that happened was we were outside playing, because the weather is getting nicer, and he just loves being outside. And we have new neighbors and as she was pulling out of the driveway, he was pulling down his pants to go pee toward the driveway. And so I had to stop him obviously and say wait till she is gone. And then I turned him to Ward the house so that people wouldn't see his phone. It was just so cute. And as I was telling him to pull his pants down, he pulled his whole pants down and expose his hold on. And I told him that he could keep his underwear on and just pull his penis out. And he looked at me, and said, through this little hole? And I said yes. And then he giggled and said oh! Like, genius! And then he peed. It was so cute. And then later on, he really wanted to play under this big evergreen tree, and I didn't want to stand over there with Eloise. Eventually I just decided to let him win and we sat in the grass, and it worked out just fine. We got to sit in the sun. And a neighbor's cat wandered over, and call me was absolutely infectiously adorable with him. He went right up to the cat and said, hi! Are you a cat? And he petted him and just talked to him and told him what a trash can was and showed him the rocks and showed him the tree. Earlier he had given me a Pinecone and said that it was a ticket to go underneath the tree. Then he told the cat that he had a ticket for him! And the cutest part was at the cat followed him around for a little while, and the cat lay down and just snuggled right back. It made me want to get an animal for Conley. He was so sweet and loving and patient and gentle. He followed the cat around and wanted to go with it everywhere. He was a pretty good listener, though, and didn't go in the street and stuff.

I just want Conley to feel loved and important and strong. Today I told him that real men are kind and listen to others and value other people's opinions. I told him that real men love the Earth and love their bodies no matter what they look like. I want to tell him things like this, so he doesn't feel like he needs to be violent or loud or bossy or aggressive.

Conley's third birthday

I cried last year on Conley's second birthday. Joseph was gone for some reason when I gave Conley his bath that night. I was bathing him and smiling and so happy and he was being so cute and sweet. And I got all choked up. Then tonight after I put Eloise down, I went into Conley's bedroom, where Joseph was reading to him. (I normally don't do that.) And he was fine to let me lay by him and rub his back and head and ears as Joseph read the new vehicle books that Jamie sent him for his birthday. So so so sweet and adorable. I just kissed and kissed the back of his neck.

He's such a sweet boy. He is so kind and good. He listens better than ever. He calms down when I talk nicely to him. He is patient and so affectionate. He loves playing with Eloise (although she is still getting used to him). He loves loves books. Tonight he stacked up a bunch of books on the armrest of my chair while the sister missionaries were giving us a message. He patted them when I looked down and said, "I got some books for us to read." It was so cute. He loves reading. And he did that all on his own.

Also all on his own, he stopped eating his yogurt when we started praying at dinner tonight. He folded his arm and stuff. He is good at praying, and his voice always goes really high. He loves reverent scripture time, and it makes such a huge difference in my day when we do it. And his too I think.

He calls Tyrannosaurus's "Reckasaurus" and hide-and-seek "hide-and-zeke."

He's starting to notice letters here and there, and point some out (even if he doesn't get it exactly right).

He's such a good soul and I can't believe how lucky I am to be his mom.