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Life with Joseph home has been absolutely blessed. Conley had a tough first day (for no reason), but since then he has been such a sweet angel. He listens really well and obeys me. And if I help him do his chores, he does all of them. He says things like, "Mommy can I help you?" He's told me twice this week that my dress is pretty. I broke a bookshelf and all the books came tumbling off, and Joseph just stood there, and Conley said, "Mommy are you OK?" He is just so wonderful. He is also a big helper with Eloise or if we are babysitting. But today, I gave him a dry erase marker to use while I put Eloise down. And I looked at him and told him to only write on the board. I thought he would listen. That's why I did it. Nope. All over the wall, and chair, and table and big chair. It was terrible. But a Mr clean eraser got it out, and he even wanted to help (and he did a great job cleaning it off!). He said, "I'm sorry I drawed on the wall, Mom." He's constantly saying things and telling long stories. I love them and I love him. I layed by him to put him down yesterday and I fell asleep with him and it was heavenly. He had his arm around my neck. Mmmm. He's so snuggly too. He'll get in bed with me or want me to hold him on the couch after he wakes up.

I had a really short temper today, and I whacked him when he did some bad things (he pulled my hair once and he pushed Eloise once or something). I felt really bad, though; both times he cried really hard. I told him I was sorry right away and I held him. He's so forgiving. Like one minute later he doesn't remember.

He inserts "suddenly" and some other bigger words into stories sometimes and it's so adorable. He loves "actually" and "definitely." And he'll say "I sure can" if you catch him at the right time.

being a part of my children's lives

Conley and I sat in the thick shade of a tree outside Hanscom Pool today, waiting for the pool to open. Eloise was asleep in her stroller. He had a swim shirt and trunks on, and a Spiderman Puddle Jumper vest and a blue water hat. He had his swim shoes on. And he was just looking around. He didn't care what he looked like, or that I had to put sunblock on him. He didn't care that other people were coming to the pool too. He just looked around and talked to me and asked questions. He pointed to the letters on the "DRUG FREE ZONE" sign hanging on the fence outside the pool. He wanted to sit on our towel so that bugs from the grass wouldn't get on him. He asked a couple times when "they were done inside" so we could go in and play. But he didn't push it and he didn't complain. His face was one of discovery and contentment. And I just fell in love with him. I love that boy so much. He is so seet and funny and imaginative. He sings a lot. And he listens really well when I ask him to quiet down. He loves playing with Eloise. He was still timid at the pool slide (Eloise wasn't at all). He loves talked to Jay. He loves playing hide-and-seek or building a tree house in Eloise's crib (which means he just throws in all the pillows from my bed). Sometimes he calls it a tiger cage.

We saw four different groups of people yesterday, with babysitting, play dates, and mutual. It was way too much. So today I just wanted to take the kids and spend time with just them. And it was so wonderful. I want to schedule no more than like two social activities during the day each week. My kids and time with them are just way too precious.

Tonight Joseph wanted to take Eloise on a bike ride, and I need to pick up some picture frames and stop by the store. So I told Conley that he got to come with me and spend time together. He was so excited. He jumped out of his chair. And ran around talking about it. We went to Walgreens first, and I got him a sucker. He chose red, because that is his favorite color lately. It was so fun and sweet. How excited he was. He loved that sucker. It took him an hour to get through it, but he didn't get bored. After our errands, we were up near the temple, so I asked if he wanted to go. He said, "Yeah!" So I drove him there and he said he really wanted to go inside. I told him we would just walk around it instead for now. He saw Moroni right away, and I asked him who Moroni was. He said, "Jesus." And when I said, no, he said, "Heavenly Father." It was so cute. So I told him who Moroni was. We walked around the south and east sides and looked at the pictures in the windows. And went up to the cemetery, and I taught him what that was. And we read the sign by the statue in the cemetery. It felt very sacred. I tried to teach him what sacred meant, but I think we might have to go over it tomorrow. It was so sweet and special. His sticky sucker stuck to my dress at one point:). I love him so much. Being three has been a dream so far (compared to two!). I felt like I was in a dream, cloud 9, or something, all night. I told him I loved spending time with him. He said he had fun too.

Hands in hair

Eloise has been so snuggly lately. She will roll over to me when she is sleeping and just snuggle right up. I love it so much. And to fall asleep sometimes, she will put her hands on my face or in my hair and just fall asleep. She is such an angle. This morning she needed a nap, and Joseph was still sleeping, so I put her in bed with him and shejust snuggled up and went right to sleep. Having her is absolutely incredible. And today she TOOK HER FIRST STEPS! She did it a few times, too! She has such strong legs, stands up all the time. Just so cute and fun. She's so good at it. She is going to be running around soon no doubt.

Feature on Livlyhood

Britt,

You’re so awesome for providing a way for women to support women in life and their careers. You’re such a good person and I’m sure you’ve helped so many so far. Keep it up!!! Also, I’m going to be raw and honest in this, so if you can’t use any of it, I’ll understand. And since you know me, I feel safe telling you exactly how I feel lol. Edit liberally:). Love ya!

• Tell us a little about yourself and your career

Recently a new couple moved into the other half of our duplex. We took the traditional plate of cookies over a few nights after their move-in and introduced ourselves. We asked where they were from, what they did, and so on, and then they returned the questions. When my husband said, “I’m a student, and Bre’s a teacher at Metropolitan Community College,” I just stared at him, waiting for him to finish (with “and a stay-at-home mom”). But he didn’t. Rude. So I jumped in with, “But most of my time is spent with these little ones.”

That was kind of the moment I realized that I am not only OK with being a stay-at-home mom, but I’m proud of it, I thrive off it, and I want people to know about it. For most of my life I couldn’t see myself as a mom. I knew I’d have kids one day, but I didn’t necessarily want them, and I certainly didn’t want momhood to be my main identity. Well, shoot girl shoot. Now I do. I love it.

So, I’m a stay-at-home mom, first and foremost. I spend most of my day lying on my (dusty) hardwood floor, mesmerized while I watch my ten-month-old daughter discover stacking things or my three-year-old son make up words like “corch” (I found out five days into his using this word that it meant a basketball hoop) or tell me things like, “Mom, I growed up and married you in my dream.” Second, and way less important to me although it’s still something I adore, I teach writing classes at a local community college. It’s a night class, once a week, full of first-generation college students, second-language learners, moms, and dads. I love teaching and I love being with students.

• How does your community of women you surround yourself with support you?

The women I choose to develop lasting relationships with are diverse and unique. But most (if not all) of them have at least one thing in common: they believe women are powerful, influential, and deserving of respect. Most of my closest friends are long-distance, so much of the time I’m driving or my husband is studying and the kids are in bed, I’m on the phone. Or viewing and sending Marco Polo videos. One of my close friends has a killer job in San Francisco. She understands stuff like coding, investing, and management, and basically gets promoted annually. She also recently went through a heart-wrenching divorce. But every time we talk on the phone, she asks me how I am, how my children are, how my husband is. She thinks of me and cares about me. And although she doesn’t have children, she has never made me feel less than her for choosing to have children or to stay at home with them. She’s always been supportive.  

Another close friend is opposite from me in nearly everything: movie taste, food taste, political leaning, and educational interests. But when I call her and tell her about the woes of potty-training, she listens and says, “You can do it, mama. You got this. Just another stage and you’ll get through it, you always do.”

And another friend is not at all religious, but she’s eager to hear about my life and feelings, including spirituality. She is so respectful of how I feel, and we have open conversations about religion and family often and comfortably. She is friends with and has introduced me to a number of wonderful people who are lesbian, transgender, or asexual (among many other identities), and her love and respect for people of all backgrounds--religious, cultural, and social--have made me a better person.

• I love that you shared with me that it's a completely feminist decision to decide to stay home to raise your children. What does that mean to you?

I used to think (this is really dreadful and embarrassing, looking back, but it’s how I felt, so I can’t deny it) (take that parenthetical out lol) that women who stayed home with their kids only did so because they weren’t interested in careers. Or because they just loved doing the kid thing, or the kitchen thing, or the overall domesticity thing. And I so wasn’t into that. I used to tell people that I wasn’t getting married until after grad school (I got married one year before graduating undergrad--oops), and that I wouldn’t have kids until I was 30 (I had my oldest when I was 24, in the middle of my graduate program--oops again). I thought true feminists got professional degrees and great careers and were baller (take that out) and then met a boy and so on.

But then I had my surprise baby, and I fell so deep in love with him so quickly. And I got more love than I knew what to do with. And it filled up my heart and overflowed into my whole body and just changed me. And I didn’t want to miss any part of his learning and growing. And I knew that he would be the happiest and the healthiest if he had an attentive, present mother. So I decided to be that. I finished my graduate program, which was a wonderful decision. He was just over one at that point. But I put my plans for a doctorate on hold for a while.

I had a hard time after graduate school. The first six months of staying home full time wasn’t easy. I was used to a very fast pace, productive, busy, full schedule. And it seemed like I didn’t do anything all day. But over time, my perspective changed. And my definition of fast paced has changed to getting our teeth brushed by 9 AM; productive is now finding the alphabet while reading a book; busy is doing play-dough and making cookies in one afternoon; and our schedule is full if we make it out of the house once or twice a day.

I feel like I couldn’t be any happier and like I am the luckiest woman in the world.

• What do you wish you could go back and tell your younger self re: your career aspirations?

Is this bad? Nothing. I honestly wouldn’t! It has taken me a long time to learn to love life, and nothing could have sped that process up. I just needed to go through difficult things and learn from them.

If I had to, though, I would have said, “Study what you love in college. Don’t do something just because it’s mom-friendly. You can do anything and be a mom, and still love both of them.” (Britt--I don’t expect you to remember this, but I was an IR major and I was obsessed with it. After DC I changed to speech pathology because DC was so intense that I thought I’d never be able to have a family and still do the career I wanted. Huge mistake, yo. I hated speech pathology, and got a freaking degree in it. So stupid. I totally should have stuck with IR, because I could have done whatever I wanted! For real. I ended up getting a master’s in English anyway, because I love writing and editing and teaching. So it worked out in the end.)

• What is your career-related mantra?

For mom-ing: Follow your heart. Don’t listen to self-help books, sleep training techniques, mommy blogs unless it resonates with your heart. Don’t compare yourself to others, and if social media makes you do that, take a break. And the last thing: put down your freaking phone and be present. These baby angels need you.

For teaching writing: I love writing, but I love people more. So I care way more about helping someone believe in themselves than I do about them remembering subject-verb agreement.

Found a cat today

Today I read some research on the internet about toddlers. Conley has been yelling a lot the past few days. Some of the advice on the internet said to not punish him for it, but two be calm and patient and try to figure out why he might be yelling. I think a punishment, like it's thinking time, is fine if he is yelling for no good reason. But sometimes, he just needs help saying how he feels. His verbal skills are so good, but his emotional skills and even communication skills are still developing. I need to remember that. The article also recommended some things that I'm already trying to do, but it felt good to have more encouragement to do some things. Some of those things include, just snuggling with him everyday. It said how much kids need snuggling and love and actions that show love to them. Also, spending time outside and doing physical activity is so important for them. It said that toddlers need 3 hours a day of that! So today, I tried to wrestle with collymore. And pick him up and throw him on the couch and stuff like that. And even just tickle him more. And I snuggle time whenever I could. It was so fun and wonderful and just made me feel so much love toward him. Something really sweet that happened was we were outside playing, because the weather is getting nicer, and he just loves being outside. And we have new neighbors and as she was pulling out of the driveway, he was pulling down his pants to go pee toward the driveway. And so I had to stop him obviously and say wait till she is gone. And then I turned him to Ward the house so that people wouldn't see his phone. It was just so cute. And as I was telling him to pull his pants down, he pulled his whole pants down and expose his hold on. And I told him that he could keep his underwear on and just pull his penis out. And he looked at me, and said, through this little hole? And I said yes. And then he giggled and said oh! Like, genius! And then he peed. It was so cute. And then later on, he really wanted to play under this big evergreen tree, and I didn't want to stand over there with Eloise. Eventually I just decided to let him win and we sat in the grass, and it worked out just fine. We got to sit in the sun. And a neighbor's cat wandered over, and call me was absolutely infectiously adorable with him. He went right up to the cat and said, hi! Are you a cat? And he petted him and just talked to him and told him what a trash can was and showed him the rocks and showed him the tree. Earlier he had given me a Pinecone and said that it was a ticket to go underneath the tree. Then he told the cat that he had a ticket for him! And the cutest part was at the cat followed him around for a little while, and the cat lay down and just snuggled right back. It made me want to get an animal for Conley. He was so sweet and loving and patient and gentle. He followed the cat around and wanted to go with it everywhere. He was a pretty good listener, though, and didn't go in the street and stuff.

I just want Conley to feel loved and important and strong. Today I told him that real men are kind and listen to others and value other people's opinions. I told him that real men love the Earth and love their bodies no matter what they look like. I want to tell him things like this, so he doesn't feel like he needs to be violent or loud or bossy or aggressive.

Conley's third birthday

I cried last year on Conley's second birthday. Joseph was gone for some reason when I gave Conley his bath that night. I was bathing him and smiling and so happy and he was being so cute and sweet. And I got all choked up. Then tonight after I put Eloise down, I went into Conley's bedroom, where Joseph was reading to him. (I normally don't do that.) And he was fine to let me lay by him and rub his back and head and ears as Joseph read the new vehicle books that Jamie sent him for his birthday. So so so sweet and adorable. I just kissed and kissed the back of his neck.

He's such a sweet boy. He is so kind and good. He listens better than ever. He calms down when I talk nicely to him. He is patient and so affectionate. He loves playing with Eloise (although she is still getting used to him). He loves loves books. Tonight he stacked up a bunch of books on the armrest of my chair while the sister missionaries were giving us a message. He patted them when I looked down and said, "I got some books for us to read." It was so cute. He loves reading. And he did that all on his own.

Also all on his own, he stopped eating his yogurt when we started praying at dinner tonight. He folded his arm and stuff. He is good at praying, and his voice always goes really high. He loves reverent scripture time, and it makes such a huge difference in my day when we do it. And his too I think.

He calls Tyrannosaurus's "Reckasaurus" and hide-and-seek "hide-and-zeke."

He's starting to notice letters here and there, and point some out (even if he doesn't get it exactly right).

He's such a good soul and I can't believe how lucky I am to be his mom.

I just love it!

I have three books: one that is my daily moments with Conley, one with those of Eloise, and one quote book. But if those ever got lost, I would still want other records. So here's a little catch up.

Having two kids is so fun. I could stop now. I love being able to hold them both in my arms at the same time. I sat in Conley's room in the glider, holding them both tonight while Joseph prayed. The lantern was on, on the star setting, and Eloise was looking around at the stars. I'm so grateful that President Nelson came, and that when he was here I experienced the paradigm shift of not wanting a lot of children anymore. Because of that revelation, I can truly enjoy these ones, and focus on them, and not get overwhelmed at the thought of always being in the young-kid-stage of life, which is a lot of work.

Eloise is getting up on all fours, with two of those either being her knees or her toes. She inches forward by going back down to her belly, and up to all fours, and repeated, until she gets where she wants to be...usually to a toy. She is saying so many cute things: tuh tuh, ahta ahta, buh buh, daa daa, maa maa. I just love when she talks. She's got big cheeks and I'm always kissing her neck. She loves Conley, especially when he makes really loud (and obnoxious) noises. She's sitting in the IKEA high chair now, right next to the table. She grimaces at every solid food attempt, but for some reason she LOVES orange slices, and this Mexican soup that we had a the Greenwoods tonight. She is so funny. She also has really light, fine, poofy blond hair. And she loves nursing, especially the right side. And she loves baths; she always has a really big smile on her face when she's in there. And Joseph always takes her hands and walks her all around. It drives me crazy because she needs to crawl first!

Christmas stuff was so fun with Conley. He loved making a gingerbread house (and eating all the candy), and eating "candy corns" (candy canes), and making snowmen out of cotton balls, and gluing popsicle sticks together to make Christmas trees or stables for ornaments, or coloring Santa pictures, or reading Santa books. It's so much more fun than I even expected, having a kid who is old enough to kind of understand stuff and start getting excited about stuff. All I want is for him to be excited and to have fun and like things and be happy. I loved pointing out Christmas lights and stuff to him. He's so sweet.

He loves Eloise, and has gotten to be really pretty good with her. I don't have to get on him much anymore (I did quite a bit the first six months, but only because he was overly affectionate). He gives her toys, and talks to her in a sweet voice, and loves snuggling with her (if she'll let him) and taking baths with her.

I've honestly just never been so happy. Joseph and I agreed recently that we never knew life could be so incredibly fulfilling. We have so many blessings we don't deserve, and I honestly think this is just what the Celestial Kingdom is going to be like...being together with our families.