Snuggles

I love snuggling with Conley. He is getting so squishy and it is harder and harder to put him down. Yesterday, I had a lot of errands to run and I felt awful that he was in his car seat or with another person for a lot of the day. So today I wanted to snuggle a lot and avoid the car as much as I could. The first picture is of me, right after I woke up from a accidental nap onset by snuggles. The last picture is of me on Sunday after church and after I fed him. It is supposed to be his wake time, and usually it is, but this time he wouldn't wake up and I didn't want to wake him up because he was so snuggly and cute. He is such a good boy, and I love him with all of my heart.

The last time we went to the doctor, last week, he was 13 pounds. I am sure he is 14 pounds now. He is popular, a heart throb for sure. All the ladies love him. Candace Mahina, Jessie Calero, Beth, and Ashlie Dalton all love him. But not as much as his mama.

Inter web ideas for entertainment

https://sanctificationandspitup.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/10-ways-to-enjoy-your-child-today/

An Email to Brittni--Life as a mother

You're so cool. I was (and always am) so excited to hear from you.

I'm sorry LA wasn't great. It is impossible to relax in that city...so busy and bustling and bursting. I'm glad the internship is over, in that case. And that you have already started your master's program! So amazing. What classes are you taking and who is (are?) teaching them? I want to hear more about the program, but only if you'd like to talk about it.

I'm so glad that your sex life has improved:). And that you told me that. So cool. It's so important! I bet you miss Jason a ton. Is it hard to be far away? What do you do to keep your marriage strong at such a long distance?

I love being a mom. I know some people say Fbook is deceptive because people only post happy things. But it is true for me (the happiness, not the deception). I feel like there are so many things to be happy about, and motherhood is the happiest. I have learned a few things so far: 

1. There are so many incredible blessings that come along with it that people don't talk about. Maybe because they don't want to get cheesy. Maybe because the blessings are too sweet and sacred to divulge. Maybe because they forget about them in public when their babies are a little fussier than normal because they are out of their routine and there is so much foreign stimulation; the fussiness may at that moment distract the parent away from remembering all the good parts of having a child.

2. There are lots of naysayers (this is related to point one). Sometimes negative things are easier to talk about, like lack of sleep, lots of diapers, added expenses, strain on marital relationships, loss of purpose for moms if they feel like they have nothing else to do, etc. I heard/saw more of the stressful side of baby-ness than I did the good. That's why I wasn't ready and didn't want a baby and was scared.

3. I don't want to ever be a naysayer. I feel so blessed and inadequate and humbled by the opportunity to be a mom. There have been a few times when I have had an unkind thought or an impatient moment with Joseph or I gossip with my sister or something. And then I look at Conley and just feel a little shameful of myself and undeserving of such a sweet, perfect, healthy little human. He makes me want to be better every day.

4. When you are obedient and involve Heavenly Father really intricately, things work out and are really wonderful. He has helped me balance school and family and church in an orderly way. He has helped me get along with others even when I am tired. He has helped me feel love for Conley. (I don't know if I needed help with that. It's super easy to love him. But that love is from Heavenly Father.)

5. I thought I knew what love was when I married Joseph. Shoot girl shoot. It's nothing compared to what I know about love now. (And I'm sure I'll be singing the same tune for the rest of my life.) I love Joseph so much more now than ever. He is attentive to Conley and that means the world to me.

6. When I had Conley, it was like Heavenly Father poured out all sorts of blessings for everything good I had ever done. Like He had stored lots in a "lay-away" blessing bank and decided to pour them all on me at once. It was beautiful. I've never been so grateful for every making a good choice. 

7. The "Proclamation" is so much more important to me now. My testimony of families and the Plan of Salvation is so much stronger.

Anyway. Sorry to ramble. I just feel so grateful that my birth control pill didn't work like it was supposed to. Conley is such an amazing plus in my life. And I don't feel like I have changed too much. I still do yoga. I still hate cooking. I still do school. I still teach online. I still go visiting teaching when we make it on time. I still talk on the phone to my sisters a few times a week. I still like late movies. But added to who I was and what I did is this little bundle of best friend love. Ugh! I'm choking up just thinking about how much of a blessing it is to me.

In conclusion, have a baby:). I want everyone to feel this much joy! Haha but whenever you feel ready. That's what's important. That you do what Heavenly Father wants (or else He'll just make it happen His way anyway...which always is better in then end anyway).

Well, I love you. And miss you. You are a great friend. I can't wait to hear back from you!

Nana's stay

I cried so much when my mom left this morning. And I honestly can't explain why. It was a mix of a few things: the emotions of becoming a mother; the appreciation of her help; nerves of the unknown...what if something comes up that I don't know how to do?; love and am understanding for her as my mother; gratitude for all the things she did yo us, gratitude for her loving Conley so deeply and taking care of him so well; sadness that she was leaving and wouldn't be closeby anymore. And probably lots of other things that I can't explain. She did so much for us and gave us so much. Like a little stand to make more room under our bathroom sink and on our kitchen cupboard. Laundry. Diaper changes. Holding Conley. Every meal. Lots of groceries. A baby blessing outfit. Lunch and dinner out. Cleaning. It was amazing. She is so amazing. She rocks at being a mom, and I didn't even really know to what extent, maybe until now.

And she loved Conley. She said he had an "old spirit" and that he was a strong spirit and chosen and valiant and whatnot. It was sweet. And she cried when she said bye to him. 

What We Do, How We Do

First Month!

And it really has been the best month of my life. I can't get over how sweet Conley is. Most of the day (when he isn't sleeping), he will lie on the changing table, or my lap, or the bed and wiggle and look around, totally content. I love him. Yesterday he was one month old! I can't believe it. And I listened to myself say things I heard adults say growing up, but that I never understood: "I didn't tell you you could grow bigger! You didn't have permission. You need to stay this size forever. I don't want you to grow bigger!" I really don't! He is so sweet and cuddly and small and wonderful. I don't want him to change. And I can't believe these little onesies are getting tight on him.

But each little new thing, each development is so wonderful, despite my not wanting him to ever leave this precious, really precious newborn stage. Like this week he has started smiling with his eyes open, smiling with intent. It is so sweet and it fills my heart up so fast. He also is amazing at eye contact, and he really does recognize me. I walked into the apartment while he was crying yesterday, and as soon as he heard my voice, he stopped crying and looked around to locate it. So sweet. I try not to let myself get too excited about that, mostly because I don't want it to be in my head and because I don't want to make Joseph feel left out. But I never knew how good it would feel to have a little wonderful thing know you and love you and need you and adore you. It's great:). 

Here are a few pictures from yesterday. I love the one where he is grinning a little and his finger is held up, as though he were saying, "I'm one month old today!"

How (and to Whom) I Show Gratitude

Boasting in God

I have a lot of things to be grateful for, and a lot of incredible blessings in my life. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable talking about them to others, like I am going to make them feel bad. That may be the discomfort isimilar to Ammon and Aaron's conversation about boasting in the flesh versus boasting in God. Somebody might mistake my gratitude or expression of all of my blessings as boasting in my strength. When it really is boasting and rejoicing in the blessings Heavenly Father has given me. Blessings that I don't deserve and don't understand why he is given them to me. I'm realizing that may be my mission in life is to express that gratitude to God, and then express it to others humbly and only when I feel prompted to do so. I think I am so blessed because I need to use my blessings and talents and gifts and perspective on life to bless and lift others, kind of like my patriarchal blessing says about sharing love to others and being a beacon of light to the world. I'm realizing that the gratitude that I feel and the magnitude of my blessings are both sacred, and I need to keep it that way and often keep it between me and Heavenly Father. 

I really do feel so grateful and humbled by how happy and content I am with Conley.