Christmasy Bliss

 

Probably one of the best things about being a mom is throwing the rule books out the window. I've had a lot more peace in my heart and mind when I just do what I want. And honestly I think I'll have fewer regrets that way also. So today's morning nap, we snuggled instead of cribbed. I decided to stay up late last night and get a lot done so that I could spend more quality time with Conley while he's awake during the day. Someone's I have to take action like that so that I don't have so much drive to do stuff and be productive and get stuff done, etc. I pray sometimes to be able to just enjoy the moment, and right now I'm enjoying every breath. He's so snuggly when he's sleepy. I get drunk in his breath and I fall in love every time I look at him. 

We are lying on the couch, under a blanket, and facing our beautiful, fragrant Christmas tree. Yum! It only has lights and bows so far, but it's still so beautiful. This Christmas I planned a RS musical program for the dinner/activity. And we are having 9 musical numbers, with a script of quotes and scriptures between each one. In preparing it, I felt so much love for little baby Jesus, and Mary. What a child he must have been. 

Splash splash splash

I've been trying to just sit and enjoy Conley instead of giving my attention to something else--anything other than him really is not as good. I want to devote myself to him and soak up his step by step development, new things he is learning, cuteness, sweetness, how soft his cheeks are, what noises he is making, and so forth.

Tonight I gave him a bath and just let him sit in there splashing around. We have this mini-bath; it's blue and Shan gave it to us. And there is a back rest on both sides; one side is reclined and it was meant for babies who can't sit up yet; the other is straight up and intended for babies who can sit up. He was sitting on the second one, since he can mostly sit up, but for some reason he really wanted to kiss the first back rest. So he was folding his body totally in half and reaching out to it with his arms and face. It was so cute and so funny. He finally got over there and went a little too far and ended up on his belly, his cute little buns visible and everything. We were laughing so hard.

In between the reaching and climbing, he would splash all over. I even got a little wet. For some reason I really loved it, all his splashing. I felt like he was learning a lot by doing it, and really enjoying himself. 

Oh my goodness! And tonight he ate twice as much as we expected. We have started to give him mostly solid foods (much to my dismay), and we gave him sweet potatoes and apples, and he loved it. (I made homemade apple sauce a few weeks ago, and he loves it. I'm really proud of myself because it's healthy and he loves it.) And twenty minutes after he was done, and after I nursed him a little, he got a little cranky and it seemed like he wanted more! So I gave him a whole additional bowl full of more food! It was twice as much dinner as we thought. And he downed it. I couldn't believe it. So it seems like I am underestimating his eating abilities.

He is getting pretty mobile and restless. He army crawls all over the place. And in his crib he practices getting up on all fours. It's so precious. One of my favorite things is slowly walking up to his crib, talking all the way, until I peak over the edge of it (there's a blanket blocking my view until then) and seeing him stretch his neck trying to see me. And then once we make eye contact, he gets a huge grin and then buries his little face in his hands, like he's hiding from me. He's getting such a cute personality, so interactive.

I'm still so grateful to be a mama. And Joseph is such a helpful and perfect daddy. And still such a wonderful husband. We are so blessed!

Six months and still happy

People everywhere say, "Oh wow! What a happy baby!" And I still wonder how we got so lucky. Conley means everything to us. I would die without him, and I can't believe we ever wanted to wait to have kids, wait to experience this wonderful happiness and love.

He still gets up at night; I think he has except for like maybe eight days of his whole life. I like it though:). He goes right back to sleep, so I see it as middle of the night snuggles. When he wakes up, Joseph usually puts him in bed with us, or I go get him and bring him in and snuggle him. He's gotten so wiggly wiggly lately that he has to be in between in order for us to sleep--otherwise we are both too worried that he will wiggle himself off the bed! Nope, that can't happen. He's usually the one that wakes me up, either by petting my face, or by wacking it. I love it. Then we snuggle and giggle in bed for a little while before he gets to ancy and we have to graduate to the carpet or hardwood floor so he can move around.

He has been army crawling a lot this week. Not quite army crawling, but pushing himself forward and backward and to the side. It's so cute and funny. He's a determined little guy. I can see the wheels turning in his head when he sees something he wants and is calculating the best way to get to it. He always wants to be practicing and moving and exercising his muscles, except when he is really tired. I have started to really cherish the moments when he is really tired and will just lay on me as I snuggle him and he sucks on his binky. It's so precious. I really am trying to cherish those moments because they are sweet and I want to remember them when they go away.

I have been so blessed.

So many giggles and tickles

4 Month Pics

Snuggle Bug

This morning was sooo cute. I slept in a little while Joseph got Conley from his 7 a.m. feeding and changed him and dressed him (in his John Deere outfit...that isn't my favorite; but I still appreciate the gesture). Then Joseph laid him down next to me around 8:15, and Conley saw me laying there and immediately turned onto his side toward me and grabbed my shirt and nuzzled his little face into mine. It was so sweet. He closed his eyes and just went to sleep, holding tightly to my shirt all the while. I love him so much. He's almost five months' now, and still just as sweet as he was that first day he was out. Doesn't complain or cry too much, like Daddy. Smiles and talks a lot, like Mommy. He's a snuggler. Recently when we pick him up, he immediately wraps his arms so tightly around our necks. It's the best.

I'm so grateful for him and the joy he brings to our lives. Heavenly Father really is so sweet.

I miss him while he is sleeping.

My sweet baby is so sweet. So sweet. I miss him while he is sleeping. He only cried with a reason.

Kayden has been here and he is really good with Conley.

I'm learning that Conley's nap schedules take precedence over things I want/need to do.

We got a new car and I am the happiest mommy because my baby doesn't roast every time I drive somewhere.

Recently he has been touching and grabbing toys. He doesn't reach out for them yet, but he is getting so close. He loves this little elephant stuffed animal toy and the little yellow square with ribbons that Jen made us.

I am simply in love. I could literally snuggle with him all day. I never knew being a mom would feel this right.

Three months and Baby Blessing

Well, my life is still so wonderful. The last three months have brought so many fun surprises. Calmly started smiling at around two months consistently. He would smile occasionally during sleep or randomly before two months but at two months he really started looking us in the eye and smiling intentionally. And now it's seem so easy for him to do. He seems like he loves it, smiling. I love it because in the last few days he has started to look over at me while he's eating, look up into my eyes, and smile. Sometimes he will even stop eating to look up at me and smile. Today he was smiling so much that I couldn't even feed him after 15 minutes or so, and I was sure he wanted more than that. But he was smiling too big then he wouldn't even latch on anymore. He has started to be a lot more expressive now too. He will sometimes stretch out his neck and stick out his chin, and it seems like he's doing it just to make me laugh. He also talks a lot more now too. And babbles and babbles. It's so cute! I love it. He's a hit wherever we go. People always say that he is such a sweet and cute baby, even if they didn't say that I would totally think it.

Joseph bless him on Sunday, and it was so sweet. Joseph is such a sweet priesthood holder. He is always worthy to do anything for us, and he takes it seriously when it comes. He is also humble and simple. He's not someone who is eloquent by talent. He's not really interested in using big words are beautiful language. But when it comes down to it, he is so sweet and so simple. He gave a really beautiful blessing about having a strong heart and strong desire to obey the Lord and a desire to get to know the Lord. He blessed him with a sweet sweet spirit throughout his life. When Joseph sat down he told me that he had forgotten one thing, to bless Conley with a natural affection for me, and respect for me as his mother, which I thought was so sweet! And I really hope and income he will have that. He is already quite affectionate, and I really feel like he is starting to get to know me. Everyone said he did months ago, but I wasn't so sure until recently. You wouldn't expect it to make somebody feel so good, having their own baby adore them. But it really does. It boosts my confidence and makes me feel so on top of the world.

My parents and Kayden And Trace and Landon even came to the blessing, and it made me feel so good and loved. Also Joseph's dad came into town for it last minute and Jessie and Mark came, and the Kearns, the Lakes, and Sam and Ryan. We felt so loved and supported, and so appreciative towards our friends and family.

Snuggles

I love snuggling with Conley. He is getting so squishy and it is harder and harder to put him down. Yesterday, I had a lot of errands to run and I felt awful that he was in his car seat or with another person for a lot of the day. So today I wanted to snuggle a lot and avoid the car as much as I could. The first picture is of me, right after I woke up from a accidental nap onset by snuggles. The last picture is of me on Sunday after church and after I fed him. It is supposed to be his wake time, and usually it is, but this time he wouldn't wake up and I didn't want to wake him up because he was so snuggly and cute. He is such a good boy, and I love him with all of my heart.

The last time we went to the doctor, last week, he was 13 pounds. I am sure he is 14 pounds now. He is popular, a heart throb for sure. All the ladies love him. Candace Mahina, Jessie Calero, Beth, and Ashlie Dalton all love him. But not as much as his mama.

Inter web ideas for entertainment

https://sanctificationandspitup.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/10-ways-to-enjoy-your-child-today/

An Email to Brittni--Life as a mother

You're so cool. I was (and always am) so excited to hear from you.

I'm sorry LA wasn't great. It is impossible to relax in that city...so busy and bustling and bursting. I'm glad the internship is over, in that case. And that you have already started your master's program! So amazing. What classes are you taking and who is (are?) teaching them? I want to hear more about the program, but only if you'd like to talk about it.

I'm so glad that your sex life has improved:). And that you told me that. So cool. It's so important! I bet you miss Jason a ton. Is it hard to be far away? What do you do to keep your marriage strong at such a long distance?

I love being a mom. I know some people say Fbook is deceptive because people only post happy things. But it is true for me (the happiness, not the deception). I feel like there are so many things to be happy about, and motherhood is the happiest. I have learned a few things so far: 

1. There are so many incredible blessings that come along with it that people don't talk about. Maybe because they don't want to get cheesy. Maybe because the blessings are too sweet and sacred to divulge. Maybe because they forget about them in public when their babies are a little fussier than normal because they are out of their routine and there is so much foreign stimulation; the fussiness may at that moment distract the parent away from remembering all the good parts of having a child.

2. There are lots of naysayers (this is related to point one). Sometimes negative things are easier to talk about, like lack of sleep, lots of diapers, added expenses, strain on marital relationships, loss of purpose for moms if they feel like they have nothing else to do, etc. I heard/saw more of the stressful side of baby-ness than I did the good. That's why I wasn't ready and didn't want a baby and was scared.

3. I don't want to ever be a naysayer. I feel so blessed and inadequate and humbled by the opportunity to be a mom. There have been a few times when I have had an unkind thought or an impatient moment with Joseph or I gossip with my sister or something. And then I look at Conley and just feel a little shameful of myself and undeserving of such a sweet, perfect, healthy little human. He makes me want to be better every day.

4. When you are obedient and involve Heavenly Father really intricately, things work out and are really wonderful. He has helped me balance school and family and church in an orderly way. He has helped me get along with others even when I am tired. He has helped me feel love for Conley. (I don't know if I needed help with that. It's super easy to love him. But that love is from Heavenly Father.)

5. I thought I knew what love was when I married Joseph. Shoot girl shoot. It's nothing compared to what I know about love now. (And I'm sure I'll be singing the same tune for the rest of my life.) I love Joseph so much more now than ever. He is attentive to Conley and that means the world to me.

6. When I had Conley, it was like Heavenly Father poured out all sorts of blessings for everything good I had ever done. Like He had stored lots in a "lay-away" blessing bank and decided to pour them all on me at once. It was beautiful. I've never been so grateful for every making a good choice. 

7. The "Proclamation" is so much more important to me now. My testimony of families and the Plan of Salvation is so much stronger.

Anyway. Sorry to ramble. I just feel so grateful that my birth control pill didn't work like it was supposed to. Conley is such an amazing plus in my life. And I don't feel like I have changed too much. I still do yoga. I still hate cooking. I still do school. I still teach online. I still go visiting teaching when we make it on time. I still talk on the phone to my sisters a few times a week. I still like late movies. But added to who I was and what I did is this little bundle of best friend love. Ugh! I'm choking up just thinking about how much of a blessing it is to me.

In conclusion, have a baby:). I want everyone to feel this much joy! Haha but whenever you feel ready. That's what's important. That you do what Heavenly Father wants (or else He'll just make it happen His way anyway...which always is better in then end anyway).

Well, I love you. And miss you. You are a great friend. I can't wait to hear back from you!

Nana's stay

I cried so much when my mom left this morning. And I honestly can't explain why. It was a mix of a few things: the emotions of becoming a mother; the appreciation of her help; nerves of the unknown...what if something comes up that I don't know how to do?; love and am understanding for her as my mother; gratitude for all the things she did yo us, gratitude for her loving Conley so deeply and taking care of him so well; sadness that she was leaving and wouldn't be closeby anymore. And probably lots of other things that I can't explain. She did so much for us and gave us so much. Like a little stand to make more room under our bathroom sink and on our kitchen cupboard. Laundry. Diaper changes. Holding Conley. Every meal. Lots of groceries. A baby blessing outfit. Lunch and dinner out. Cleaning. It was amazing. She is so amazing. She rocks at being a mom, and I didn't even really know to what extent, maybe until now.

And she loved Conley. She said he had an "old spirit" and that he was a strong spirit and chosen and valiant and whatnot. It was sweet. And she cried when she said bye to him. 

What We Do, How We Do

First Month!

And it really has been the best month of my life. I can't get over how sweet Conley is. Most of the day (when he isn't sleeping), he will lie on the changing table, or my lap, or the bed and wiggle and look around, totally content. I love him. Yesterday he was one month old! I can't believe it. And I listened to myself say things I heard adults say growing up, but that I never understood: "I didn't tell you you could grow bigger! You didn't have permission. You need to stay this size forever. I don't want you to grow bigger!" I really don't! He is so sweet and cuddly and small and wonderful. I don't want him to change. And I can't believe these little onesies are getting tight on him.

But each little new thing, each development is so wonderful, despite my not wanting him to ever leave this precious, really precious newborn stage. Like this week he has started smiling with his eyes open, smiling with intent. It is so sweet and it fills my heart up so fast. He also is amazing at eye contact, and he really does recognize me. I walked into the apartment while he was crying yesterday, and as soon as he heard my voice, he stopped crying and looked around to locate it. So sweet. I try not to let myself get too excited about that, mostly because I don't want it to be in my head and because I don't want to make Joseph feel left out. But I never knew how good it would feel to have a little wonderful thing know you and love you and need you and adore you. It's great:). 

Here are a few pictures from yesterday. I love the one where he is grinning a little and his finger is held up, as though he were saying, "I'm one month old today!"

How (and to Whom) I Show Gratitude

Boasting in God

I have a lot of things to be grateful for, and a lot of incredible blessings in my life. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable talking about them to others, like I am going to make them feel bad. That may be the discomfort isimilar to Ammon and Aaron's conversation about boasting in the flesh versus boasting in God. Somebody might mistake my gratitude or expression of all of my blessings as boasting in my strength. When it really is boasting and rejoicing in the blessings Heavenly Father has given me. Blessings that I don't deserve and don't understand why he is given them to me. I'm realizing that may be my mission in life is to express that gratitude to God, and then express it to others humbly and only when I feel prompted to do so. I think I am so blessed because I need to use my blessings and talents and gifts and perspective on life to bless and lift others, kind of like my patriarchal blessing says about sharing love to others and being a beacon of light to the world. I'm realizing that the gratitude that I feel and the magnitude of my blessings are both sacred, and I need to keep it that way and often keep it between me and Heavenly Father. 

I really do feel so grateful and humbled by how happy and content I am with Conley.

Sleepy time

His sweet little face is just mesmerizing. I can't stop watching sleep! And it's taking everything I have to not get up and pick him up and hold him. I think I'm going to. 

He is so sweet and wonderful. I love him so much. Even his little cry is so endearing and precious. Especially because each time he cries, there is a good reason for it. His toothless gums and his teeny little breaths are so adorable. And his skin is so soft and warm. I am in loves I never knew I would love him this much. It's such a strong, powerful feeling, and I know it's from Heavenly Father! 

Photo Essay on Pregnancy