That baby

Sometimes I just pick him up from his crib and squeeze his chubby legs and nuzzle my nose into his neck and kiss him and say, "You're a baby! You're my baby!" He's so cute. He's been walking everywhere--only after he watched Theo (my friends Melina and Matthew's two-year-old) walk around the whole night I babysat him and his big brother Shae. It was like something clicked in Conley's brain. He saw two other little people walking around and thought, "Oh! That's what I'm supposed to be doing!" It's been so cute. He still stumbles a little and he walks slowly, but just like his daddy, he's totally determined and persistent. So cute.

The other day (and this has happened several times), Conley woke up in the morning and Joseph went to get him from his crib. When Joseph carried him back over our way, Conley saw me in bed and started waving hi to me. Then he dove downward toward the bed, Joseph put him down, and he crawled up to me and just put his arms around my neck and squeezed me. It was so precious and it warms my heart every time I think about it. He is an affectionate little boy. He will snuggle up to you for a few seconds and hug you, and if you have a book, he will do it even longer. I could snuggle him all day! It's so cozy and warm and sweet and wonderful.

I'm getting my IUD out today, so hopefully in a few months we can start trying to get pregnant again. I can't imagine having another baby. I get a little teary in a good way when I think about another baby. I don't know if my heart can handle so much love. I feel like it will just burst. I love babies! I guess that means I love being a mom, although for some reason I'm scared to say that. I just love having a baby who is my baby. I love the love that I feel.

Sleeping beau

I couldn't put him down for his nap today I just had to hold him. And same with last night. We slept together most of the time. I didn't sleep the best ever, but I slept all right and it was worth it.  

I hair got back yesterday from the girls weekend in Tucson. It was fun to be with all my sisters and mom. I learned some things at TOFW. Lie that I should go into relationships and teaching situations and missionary opportunities with this in mind: "What if my only motive was to love?" I want to remember that as a mommy too. 

I love Conley so much. Honestly he seems to like Beth and Joseph more than me, but tinderbox hurt my feeling a too much. Because he will still snuggle me and he still kisses me and plays with me and lets me tickle him and wants me at night. He is walking! Probably like 15 feet at a time. And he stands up all by himself. He babbles a lot. We are trying to work Ina few things this week: eyes, fingers, more, up, and hi. It's such a fun stage!! 

And I'm ready or anther baby. Joseph says we need to wait until we settle in a house, and I know he's right. But I can't wait until that point comes! 

First birthday

Conley's birthday party was so much fun! We invited our close friends and lots of them came. We planned to do it at a park, but the weather got bad that day, so we changed it to the church gym. That worked well. Paul and Moira brought the BBQ and barbecued hot dogs right outside on the patio, and we set up chairs and tables inside. Some of the guests played basketball during that party, so it felt good to have people entertained. Jo Anna (my good friend from UNM) made a beautiful polka dot cake for him. He got lots of presents, including clothes, books, a tractor, a ball pit, puzzles, and a bowling set. Some people that came were Kayla and Craig, Britt and Brad Galbraith, Sam and Ryan, Cumorah and Daniel, Ashlie and her family, Jessie, the Macons, and the Petersons. And even Lauren and Cameron and Paul and Moira.

Conley was so cute the whole time. He was so happy to have tons of room to crawl and push his tractor around and just roam. He was really friendly, and he got to spend time with Grandma Moira, so that was good too. He was exhausted by the end of the party, but still sweet.

He's in a really fun stage right now. He's funny and sweet and so fun to play with. He'll play peek-a-boo, but he likes wrestling even more. He thinks it's funny when I lay on the ground and put something on my face. He comes over and pulls it off and I say "boo" right when he does it and he always giggles. He plays "which hand is it in" with Joseph and he loves that. He and I snuggle and read together a lot. He seems to be more snuggly lately and I really love that. He goes to sleep pretty quickly when I put him down probably because of the snuggles. He's getting more and more picky with food; or at least he just gets full fast it seems like. Our pediatrician, Wendy Fronterhouse, said that kids his age don't grow that much between 1 and 2, so it's ok if they don't eat that much. "They'll eat exactly as much as they need," she says. That is helpful.

He babbles all the time. And he is in a squeaking phase, which tried my patience a little bit. I get frustrated if he whines or yells, but I recognize that this just happens for a few months right before they start to talk. He is so cute about his syllables. He says l, m, b, p, and d. And for moo, he goes bbbbbbb through his lips. He makes sounds for cars and trucks and he loves it when he hears dogs barking outside. He knows where his head is, and we are working on figuring out where is belly is. He pounds it and does high fives. And my mom taught him uh-oh last week! He was in Cheyenne for a few days while we meandered around Omaha looking at houses.

Anyway. He's wonderful! And life is wonderful with him.

One year old tomorrow

Today I was thinking about my first year as a mother. I wondered if in the future I would look back and forget how it was. Or worse, if I would look back and think I didn't enjoy it to its fullest or look back and feel like I missed it. Well, for you future Breanne reading this, I can tell you that that didn't happen. Yes there were multiple times where I felt sad because I couldn't be with Conley, or relieved when he fell asleep so I could do some school things, or overwhelmed with my responsibilities at UNM. But I tried my very hardest to enjoy little moments. To sit and watch him as he played in the bathtub. To smile when he'd come up to me and want to be held. To break the "rules" (curse those self- and mama-help books) and let him take his nap on my chest. To soak in the view of the back of his little neck and head and back as he faced the other direction and played with the wooden block train my mom gave him. To lie on the ground and let him "wrestle" with me ("wrestle" because I wasn't wrestling back; what he usually does is come and sits on my head and breathe really heavy like he's pushing a wheelbarrow full of rocks, but really he's just digging his head into my armpit or giving me zerberts or sliming my face and neck with his slobbery mouth). To play peek-a-boo with him when I'd go get him from a nap (he goes up and down and up and down and giggles when he sees me). To respond to him when I feel like it, even if he is crying in the middle of the night, and doesn't have too much of a reason to get up. To tickle his toes underneath the high chair tray, or even pretend like I'm gonna bite them (he gets really giggly and wiggly when I do that). To teach him different consonants. To let him sit on my lap and bang on the piano. To sing to him when he's sleepy (he always relaxes and listens when I do that). To give him bites of my food when I'm sitting on the floor and he comes up to me and puts his little hand on my shoulder and stretches out his neck and opens his mouth (he's so stinking cute). To nuzzle (snuggle and nestle up to) him when he's drinking his bottle of milk. To tickle his belly with my chin. To let him sit on my lap and read to him and point to the pictures and words, and let him point too. To rock him to sleep at night. 

Gosh I love my baby. This has been such a fun year. Claire asked me what I've learned this year. I feel like I've learned how lucky I am to have such a fun, happy, friendly, easygoing baby. I've learned a little more about the intense love Heavenly Father has for us, and how divine the calling of motherhood is. And how I long to nurture Conley. And how he is my first priority. And how I need to do what I want and what my instincts tell me, rather than stressing about what research says. And I've learned to not worry about milestones. And that I am so lucky to have Joseph; he is supportive to me and spends such sincere, quality time with Conley. He's everything I hoped for in a father to my children. I've learned that it's so stressful balancing being a mom, wife, teacher, student. I've learned that I have to say no to things and not overbook myself. I can even say "Yes, but." I've learned to plan ahead and always bring extra diapers and food. I've learned that instead of thinking about myself, I need to think about how I can serve Heavenly Father--and follow His lead in doing so. He'll help me know how and who. I've learned that Heavenly Father loves me. 

We are having a little party for him on Saturday at the park. It's been unusually warm and springy here lately. It's really been lovely. So we are going to barbecue hot dogs and bring snacks and some yard games and have a little party for the boy. I am excited. He is so wonderful. 

Oh the passion, oh the fury.

I titled this post the way I did because Conley has become so passionate and expressive these days. He has a face for everything, and it usually involves some serious intensity: liking peas one second; hating peas the next second; going from eating voraciously like he will never be full--to being all of the sudden full and spitting his food everywhere!; scrunching up his nose and scowling his eyebrows and breathing in and out like he's fed up with life--he usually does that when he's bored; avoiding getting his nose/face wiped by moving his head around violently. He's so funny!

He is still my same sweet boy, especially in the mornings and at night. As soon as he sees his little white and baby blue soft blanket and has his binky in his mouth, he puts his little head on my shoulder and snuggles. I love it, of course.

He entertains himself really well. He'll wonder around, pull himself up on anything he can, and tap things, bonk his head repetitively (it's normal, believe it or not), or kiss something. He knows when he is being chased, and he'll either crawl the other way or come toward you, I guess depending on his mood. He's still happy to see us when we get there (wherever "there" may be) and sad to see us go (mostly me--which makes me feel so special).

I love him!! He's so sweet and perfect and funny and cute. Tonight when I was giving him a bath, he literally gripped my knees and pulled himself out of the bathtub. I guess he was done.

We are so blessed!

Christmasy Bliss

 

Probably one of the best things about being a mom is throwing the rule books out the window. I've had a lot more peace in my heart and mind when I just do what I want. And honestly I think I'll have fewer regrets that way also. So today's morning nap, we snuggled instead of cribbed. I decided to stay up late last night and get a lot done so that I could spend more quality time with Conley while he's awake during the day. Someone's I have to take action like that so that I don't have so much drive to do stuff and be productive and get stuff done, etc. I pray sometimes to be able to just enjoy the moment, and right now I'm enjoying every breath. He's so snuggly when he's sleepy. I get drunk in his breath and I fall in love every time I look at him. 

We are lying on the couch, under a blanket, and facing our beautiful, fragrant Christmas tree. Yum! It only has lights and bows so far, but it's still so beautiful. This Christmas I planned a RS musical program for the dinner/activity. And we are having 9 musical numbers, with a script of quotes and scriptures between each one. In preparing it, I felt so much love for little baby Jesus, and Mary. What a child he must have been. 

Splash splash splash

I've been trying to just sit and enjoy Conley instead of giving my attention to something else--anything other than him really is not as good. I want to devote myself to him and soak up his step by step development, new things he is learning, cuteness, sweetness, how soft his cheeks are, what noises he is making, and so forth.

Tonight I gave him a bath and just let him sit in there splashing around. We have this mini-bath; it's blue and Shan gave it to us. And there is a back rest on both sides; one side is reclined and it was meant for babies who can't sit up yet; the other is straight up and intended for babies who can sit up. He was sitting on the second one, since he can mostly sit up, but for some reason he really wanted to kiss the first back rest. So he was folding his body totally in half and reaching out to it with his arms and face. It was so cute and so funny. He finally got over there and went a little too far and ended up on his belly, his cute little buns visible and everything. We were laughing so hard.

In between the reaching and climbing, he would splash all over. I even got a little wet. For some reason I really loved it, all his splashing. I felt like he was learning a lot by doing it, and really enjoying himself. 

Oh my goodness! And tonight he ate twice as much as we expected. We have started to give him mostly solid foods (much to my dismay), and we gave him sweet potatoes and apples, and he loved it. (I made homemade apple sauce a few weeks ago, and he loves it. I'm really proud of myself because it's healthy and he loves it.) And twenty minutes after he was done, and after I nursed him a little, he got a little cranky and it seemed like he wanted more! So I gave him a whole additional bowl full of more food! It was twice as much dinner as we thought. And he downed it. I couldn't believe it. So it seems like I am underestimating his eating abilities.

He is getting pretty mobile and restless. He army crawls all over the place. And in his crib he practices getting up on all fours. It's so precious. One of my favorite things is slowly walking up to his crib, talking all the way, until I peak over the edge of it (there's a blanket blocking my view until then) and seeing him stretch his neck trying to see me. And then once we make eye contact, he gets a huge grin and then buries his little face in his hands, like he's hiding from me. He's getting such a cute personality, so interactive.

I'm still so grateful to be a mama. And Joseph is such a helpful and perfect daddy. And still such a wonderful husband. We are so blessed!