Birthday

I didn't expect to cry when that little boy in red and blue and green striped pajamas crawled into my bed this morning. We snuggled on him and I kissed him and told him what today was. He repeated "birthday" a few times. I love him so much. I felt so grateful for him and for the two years of perfect love he has given me. I thought about when he was born and how I felt the first time I held him and his little baby hand went up and down on my ribs. I thought of how empty my life would have been these last two years without him, and how I would be such a different person if I were still childless, and Conley-less. He's so wonderful and sweet and good. I put him to sleep; it was a sweet little blessing because Joseph went to YM, and although I didn't want him to go because I wanted him to be home with us and it's nice to have him here, it ended up being such a sweet experience for me to bathe Conley and play with him and watch him and laugh at him and read with him and snuggle with him and sing to him and pray with him (he got up from laying down and knelt on his own). He kept saying, "lay by you" and I couldn't bear not to. So I lay by him for half an hour or so. He was so sweet and cute. Quiet, mostly. But every once in a while would say something cute. ANd he also too kout his binky and I felt his wet lips on y face. He said, "Kiss you" a few times and melted my heart into a little puddle. It was so cute. I tried not to giggle, but I couldn't really suppress it.

He's an angel and I don't deserve to feel the love that I feel. It's like heaven on earth.

Almost two years old!

Oh I'm so in love with that boy! He is getting to be a toddler and he has opinions and wants. Like he doesn't like it when I break up his oranges for some reason. Like, it will make him cry. And when I do it, he says, "Back? Back?" Like, "Will you put it back together?" He is talking a lot and knows tons of words. And he says things to me that I can't believe he has picked up on. He parrots really well, and can say most things, which means I have to be careful. I need to stop saying "sucks" even though it's like one of my favorite words.

Joseph had a great New Year's Resolution this year, and that was to start reading the real Book of Mormon (versus just the cartoon one that we had been reading). So we have been doing that every night. And now Conley says, "Gipshers?" It's so cute. And he says "mine" a lot, so we are working really hard on teaching him to say "please." He gets better at that every day.

He taught himself to get out of his crib. He calls it horsie (his maneuvers) because he straddles the front side and gets over. He's a pretty proud guy when he does it. But last night he got out of his crib four times, and he only would go to sleep at 10:30, when we did. So we lowered the mattress down. Joseph and I decided that we won't let him sleep with us anymore, unless it's after 6 AM. I'm sad because I love the snuggles. But it is healthier for all of us and Conley will sleep better. I want him to be pretty independent about sleeping by the time Eloise gets here.

The weather has been so nice lately, like in the 50s. And it puts me in such a great mood. We have been on walks and to the park twice, and I just love it. And Conley loves being outside. He always wants to wear his snow boots out there, even when there is no snow.

His best friend is Jay, and they greet each other by saying each other's names and then growling. And they chase each other and giggle. And Conley doesn't really sit still anymore. So Sacrament Meeting is usually quite loud and funny and loud and busy busy. Joseph is sweet and always takes care of him, though. He's the best. Today they made it a half lap around the chapel, during the Sacrament prayer, before we caught them.

Conley gives great kisses. And hugs. He is really affectionate still, and he will be pretty nice to other people and it makes my heart so warm.

This week is Valentine's Day, and I love this holiday so much. So I decorated with garlands and we are having play group and joy school at our house. We are making valentines and decorating cookies, and we are going to bring cookies to Joseph's class on Tuesday. I'm so excited. And I just love love and pink.

Conley has these two jet planes books that we got at the library. He loves them so much that he literally couldn't fall asleep last night. It was so cute and funny.

Cute stuff Conley's been doing lately

Conley is just such a sweet boy. He is so affectionate. He loves kissing and hugging and snuggling, of course when you get him in the right moment. But most of the time he really is willing to give mama (me) a kiss or a hug. He is a good listener. And he is so sweet to other kids. Sometimes he tries to take toys away and things like that. But he is usually really sweet and happy when he sees other kids. He calls babies "baby" and knows when they are younger than him. His best friend is Jay, who is in our ward and lives close to us. His parents, Kayla and Michael, are good friends of ours and we hang out occasionally. Conley is teething right now, so he gets up at night sometimes (and it's getting really super cold here, like in the teens or lower at night, so I think sometimes he is cold, even though we fill his crib with blankets AND double layer his jammies). When he does, we usually put him in bed with us and he always rolls right over to me and snuggles with me. It's so sweet. I can nuzzle my head right into his little neck and he just lays there on his back and sleeps. Gosh, it's so cute. My mouth just waters and I just fall in love with him all the time every day. Anyway, here's list of some things he has being doing or saying lately:

• He calls boots "boops."
• He kisses my belly and lifts up my shirt and points to my belly when we ask him where the baby is. Usually he will give me a low hug around my waist right after that, too (without me telling him).
• He loves coloring and he calls is "cuh-er." He is getting pretty good at it! He also likes chalk, and he can say chalk.
• When he counts, like getting ready to jump off of something, he says, "1, 1, 1!!!!" It's so funny.
• He repeats most things we say.
• He folds his arms really well and says "Amen" at the appropriate time when we pray. He will even stop eating (without my telling him to) when we pray (if he's already started).
• He loves hide and seek and being chased and tickled. 
• He sticks his chin out for me so I can bounce his chin with mine.
• He still loves peek-a-boo.
• I've been singing the ABCs, and then he tries to sing it. He doesn't quite do the ABCs yet, but he says sounds that sound like letters.
• He kisses me through the slats in his crib after his naps.
• He can "why" (Thai bow).
• He loves cars so much. This week our friend and my VTee, Connie, gave him a bunch of cars, and he is just obsessed. He could sit there and play with them for a long time.
• He is pretty good at getting in to stuff; tonight Joseph walked down to the kitchen and Conley was elbow deep in powdered sugar.
• His favorite food is probably yogurt. He discovered marshmallows lately and really loves those. 
• He loves Beth and has never forgotten who she is. He always wants to video call her when I suggest it, and he always gets really hyper and excited and tries to hug her. Like he sticks his little hands toward the phone like he is going to put his hands through the screen and hug her. It's so cute. 

Snuggles

I had a really hard time when when I was in my first trimester recently. The hardest part about it, harder than being really sick and tired and having no motivation and feeling depressed, was not enjoying being with Conley. I wondered about my purpose as a mother, and I didn't feel important or useful. And it broke my heart because I used to look at him and think how cute and sweet he was and how lucky I was to be his mom and just spend each day with him and how excited I was to raise him and things like that. Thankfully since being out of my first trimester those feelings have gone and I feel like I have come back to the way I felt about him and about being a mom as I did before. But I still want to choose to feel those things in case in the future I get depressed or something like that and have to really encourage myself to feel certain feelings instead of just letting them come naturally and with ease like they are right now.

This morning I snuggled with him and it was just so fun and wonderful and heavenly. And I just love snuggling him and being close to him. I could do it all day. I feel like the longer I'm alone the more I love snuggling. That's one reason I'm really excited for a new baby is because of all of this now. I'm also excited for the opportunity to show Conley love and to choose to be with him and to play with him even when there are other options come up because I think there will be a lot more options now that we have two kids. Will be an interesting lesson to learn how to balance two kids. I've also learned lately how much I need to reach out to Heavenly Father and ask him for help and confidence and fulfillment and guidance in my thoughts. Need to reach out to him before I reach out to others and seek to vent to others.

Lately

Gosh Conley has just gotten so cute and so smart lately. He says so many words and he understands almost everything, it seems like. I love spending all day with him. I look forward to it when I wake up in the morning and I miss it when I got to bed at night. He leads me through a day full of adventure and excitement and newness and sweetness.

A few weeks ago, he woke up at 1 AM and wouldn't go back to sleep. Wouldn't. I tried a few times to let him cry it out, but he really wasn't interested. So I just got up with him and went in his playroom and he played for an hour while I read Go Set a Watchman. It was so fun and cute to watch him. After an hour or so, he crawled over to me and wiggled his body into the crook of mine and snuggled. So I took him back to bed with me and he fell asleep and we snuggled from 5 to 9. It was the sweetest night and I'm so glad it happened.

He does little things that show me he loves me. That night, Joseph got him one of the times, and I heard Joseph put him down on the ground in his bedroom, and his little feet slap, slap, slap, slap the ground as he walked into our room. He came right up to me in bed and crawled in and hugged me. It was so cute. I'm so grateful for the little guy.

I'm pregnant, and not very far long, and I have been saying "baby" and then pointing to my stomach. And he is starting to get the hang of it. But yesterday I got so sad when I started thinking about Conley not being my only baby anymore. I thought about the 18 months of our life together and how perfect it has been.

Feeding mama and saying new words

Gosh Conley is getting so big. I want to get pregnant so much! I want another little baby. He is saying (or trying to say) lots of words, and he is walking around just so fast everywhere! I just can't believe it. He also throws a fit or two each day when he is tired. He is getting a little attitude. But he is still so sweet. He will come up behind me and wrap his arms as far as he can around my waist (when I'm on the ground) and hug me. It's so sweet. He also loves getting piggyback rides down the stairs. We are living in a sub-leased townhome at a place called Village Green (I hate it; I hate living in someone else's space) and thankfully moving out next week into a cool duplex in Midtown. But this place has three levels, so we get lots of stairs time.

Anyway, so Conley has been loving using utensils. He gets so excited when I give him a fork or spoon with his food. He's so determined and he practices over and over even when he keeps failing. It's inspiring! His little brain is amazing and just wants him to learn. He loves feeding me, too. Yesterday he wanted to give me sweet potatoes from his fork. I just pretended to eat each bite a few times, but he wasn't satisfied. Then when I actually took the bite and he felt my mouth on the fork, he squeeeealed. He loved it. He bounced up and down and kicked his leg in his little white IKEA high chair. It was so cute. So we did that a few more times.

We have a lot of fun together every day. I hate when I take him in the carseat, even if the destination is needed or good for me or him (the gym, shopping, the zoo). He hates it and I hate it. But when we are home, we do lots of things, like: sorting buttons. We did that yesterday, and for some reason he wanted to see how many he could stuff into his mouth. It was so funny. Also, I filled up the button bag almost full and he'd see it almost full and take it and dump it all out. He did that five times. It was so funny. And over two hundred buttons would just go everywhere. It was awesome. Lots of clean up and laughs. He loves bubbles, so we do those. He loves playing in (and I literally mean in; he climbs up into it) this old water table that my mom gave us last week. He loves watching and playing with other kids at the park. We sit in the shady part of the swing park that has lots of pebbles and play with his tractor that Aunt Lauren gave him. And tin cans. And he just loves it. He loves exploring outside, and he always is a little screamy when we have to come in. Luckily, he is easy to distract. He loves basketball (this house has a little stand-up net). He likes books, but only for a few pages:). He loves snuggling when he is tired or drinking milk. What else. We paint with water and a paintbrush on the chalk wall. And we draw sometimes with crayons or pens. We play in the pans in the cupboard. We play hide and go seek. We snuggle and sometimes watch a little bit of a movie. It's so cute when he watches them. We share smoothies. And drink them from straws. We play with keys and the door. He's a really fun guy. We also love singing and dancing and doing actions. He loves Elvis and jazz music. It's really funny. He will stick his arm, one arm, behin dhim and end over and hold it, and that's his dance move.

Some words he says perfectly are mama, papa, nana, ba (for bath), wawa, buhbuh (for bubble), go, da (for down), shoe! he said that this morning. Hi. Bye-bye.

He is trying to say (and getting close) to purple, thank you (he matches the intonation on that; gosh it's adorable), toes, belly, meh (that means airplane, for some reason). Meh! (Amen)

He folds his arms when we say prayers.

He's really amazing. He's so sweet and gorgeous and wonderful and funny. I just love being his mama.

Music and movement

Omaha Public Libraries have some amazing programs for little ones. I took Conley to a baby storytime today, even though we had just gone to the gym and I was mad at the girls there because at one point when I felt like I needed to go in and check on him, they'd put him in this little pen thing; she said he wanted to go in there. But he wanted to get out! Anyway I wasn't sure that he felt loved there, so I wanted to just hold and squeeze and love him, and he was tired and ready for a nap, but I thought I'd try this music and movement thing first. HE LOVED IT! He was the wiggliest kid there, out of the 25 toddlers. It was so cute. He was smiling and giggling and wiggling, and squat-dancing. That's what he did when we jumped up and down: squat-dance. It was so funny and cute. And he was wandering around the room more than anyone else! Whoa! I tried my best to keep him near, but would let him wander here and there because he wasn't bothering anyone. We sang and danced and played with scarves and did wiggle songs and read wiggle books. It was just the funnest thing, and he just loved it and my heart just sang.