Cute stuff Conley's been doing lately

Conley is just such a sweet boy. He is so affectionate. He loves kissing and hugging and snuggling, of course when you get him in the right moment. But most of the time he really is willing to give mama (me) a kiss or a hug. He is a good listener. And he is so sweet to other kids. Sometimes he tries to take toys away and things like that. But he is usually really sweet and happy when he sees other kids. He calls babies "baby" and knows when they are younger than him. His best friend is Jay, who is in our ward and lives close to us. His parents, Kayla and Michael, are good friends of ours and we hang out occasionally. Conley is teething right now, so he gets up at night sometimes (and it's getting really super cold here, like in the teens or lower at night, so I think sometimes he is cold, even though we fill his crib with blankets AND double layer his jammies). When he does, we usually put him in bed with us and he always rolls right over to me and snuggles with me. It's so sweet. I can nuzzle my head right into his little neck and he just lays there on his back and sleeps. Gosh, it's so cute. My mouth just waters and I just fall in love with him all the time every day. Anyway, here's list of some things he has being doing or saying lately:

• He calls boots "boops."
• He kisses my belly and lifts up my shirt and points to my belly when we ask him where the baby is. Usually he will give me a low hug around my waist right after that, too (without me telling him).
• He loves coloring and he calls is "cuh-er." He is getting pretty good at it! He also likes chalk, and he can say chalk.
• When he counts, like getting ready to jump off of something, he says, "1, 1, 1!!!!" It's so funny.
• He repeats most things we say.
• He folds his arms really well and says "Amen" at the appropriate time when we pray. He will even stop eating (without my telling him to) when we pray (if he's already started).
• He loves hide and seek and being chased and tickled. 
• He sticks his chin out for me so I can bounce his chin with mine.
• He still loves peek-a-boo.
• I've been singing the ABCs, and then he tries to sing it. He doesn't quite do the ABCs yet, but he says sounds that sound like letters.
• He kisses me through the slats in his crib after his naps.
• He can "why" (Thai bow).
• He loves cars so much. This week our friend and my VTee, Connie, gave him a bunch of cars, and he is just obsessed. He could sit there and play with them for a long time.
• He is pretty good at getting in to stuff; tonight Joseph walked down to the kitchen and Conley was elbow deep in powdered sugar.
• His favorite food is probably yogurt. He discovered marshmallows lately and really loves those. 
• He loves Beth and has never forgotten who she is. He always wants to video call her when I suggest it, and he always gets really hyper and excited and tries to hug her. Like he sticks his little hands toward the phone like he is going to put his hands through the screen and hug her. It's so cute. 

Snuggles

I had a really hard time when when I was in my first trimester recently. The hardest part about it, harder than being really sick and tired and having no motivation and feeling depressed, was not enjoying being with Conley. I wondered about my purpose as a mother, and I didn't feel important or useful. And it broke my heart because I used to look at him and think how cute and sweet he was and how lucky I was to be his mom and just spend each day with him and how excited I was to raise him and things like that. Thankfully since being out of my first trimester those feelings have gone and I feel like I have come back to the way I felt about him and about being a mom as I did before. But I still want to choose to feel those things in case in the future I get depressed or something like that and have to really encourage myself to feel certain feelings instead of just letting them come naturally and with ease like they are right now.

This morning I snuggled with him and it was just so fun and wonderful and heavenly. And I just love snuggling him and being close to him. I could do it all day. I feel like the longer I'm alone the more I love snuggling. That's one reason I'm really excited for a new baby is because of all of this now. I'm also excited for the opportunity to show Conley love and to choose to be with him and to play with him even when there are other options come up because I think there will be a lot more options now that we have two kids. Will be an interesting lesson to learn how to balance two kids. I've also learned lately how much I need to reach out to Heavenly Father and ask him for help and confidence and fulfillment and guidance in my thoughts. Need to reach out to him before I reach out to others and seek to vent to others.

Lately

Gosh Conley has just gotten so cute and so smart lately. He says so many words and he understands almost everything, it seems like. I love spending all day with him. I look forward to it when I wake up in the morning and I miss it when I got to bed at night. He leads me through a day full of adventure and excitement and newness and sweetness.

A few weeks ago, he woke up at 1 AM and wouldn't go back to sleep. Wouldn't. I tried a few times to let him cry it out, but he really wasn't interested. So I just got up with him and went in his playroom and he played for an hour while I read Go Set a Watchman. It was so fun and cute to watch him. After an hour or so, he crawled over to me and wiggled his body into the crook of mine and snuggled. So I took him back to bed with me and he fell asleep and we snuggled from 5 to 9. It was the sweetest night and I'm so glad it happened.

He does little things that show me he loves me. That night, Joseph got him one of the times, and I heard Joseph put him down on the ground in his bedroom, and his little feet slap, slap, slap, slap the ground as he walked into our room. He came right up to me in bed and crawled in and hugged me. It was so cute. I'm so grateful for the little guy.

I'm pregnant, and not very far long, and I have been saying "baby" and then pointing to my stomach. And he is starting to get the hang of it. But yesterday I got so sad when I started thinking about Conley not being my only baby anymore. I thought about the 18 months of our life together and how perfect it has been.

Feeding mama and saying new words

Gosh Conley is getting so big. I want to get pregnant so much! I want another little baby. He is saying (or trying to say) lots of words, and he is walking around just so fast everywhere! I just can't believe it. He also throws a fit or two each day when he is tired. He is getting a little attitude. But he is still so sweet. He will come up behind me and wrap his arms as far as he can around my waist (when I'm on the ground) and hug me. It's so sweet. He also loves getting piggyback rides down the stairs. We are living in a sub-leased townhome at a place called Village Green (I hate it; I hate living in someone else's space) and thankfully moving out next week into a cool duplex in Midtown. But this place has three levels, so we get lots of stairs time.

Anyway, so Conley has been loving using utensils. He gets so excited when I give him a fork or spoon with his food. He's so determined and he practices over and over even when he keeps failing. It's inspiring! His little brain is amazing and just wants him to learn. He loves feeding me, too. Yesterday he wanted to give me sweet potatoes from his fork. I just pretended to eat each bite a few times, but he wasn't satisfied. Then when I actually took the bite and he felt my mouth on the fork, he squeeeealed. He loved it. He bounced up and down and kicked his leg in his little white IKEA high chair. It was so cute. So we did that a few more times.

We have a lot of fun together every day. I hate when I take him in the carseat, even if the destination is needed or good for me or him (the gym, shopping, the zoo). He hates it and I hate it. But when we are home, we do lots of things, like: sorting buttons. We did that yesterday, and for some reason he wanted to see how many he could stuff into his mouth. It was so funny. Also, I filled up the button bag almost full and he'd see it almost full and take it and dump it all out. He did that five times. It was so funny. And over two hundred buttons would just go everywhere. It was awesome. Lots of clean up and laughs. He loves bubbles, so we do those. He loves playing in (and I literally mean in; he climbs up into it) this old water table that my mom gave us last week. He loves watching and playing with other kids at the park. We sit in the shady part of the swing park that has lots of pebbles and play with his tractor that Aunt Lauren gave him. And tin cans. And he just loves it. He loves exploring outside, and he always is a little screamy when we have to come in. Luckily, he is easy to distract. He loves basketball (this house has a little stand-up net). He likes books, but only for a few pages:). He loves snuggling when he is tired or drinking milk. What else. We paint with water and a paintbrush on the chalk wall. And we draw sometimes with crayons or pens. We play in the pans in the cupboard. We play hide and go seek. We snuggle and sometimes watch a little bit of a movie. It's so cute when he watches them. We share smoothies. And drink them from straws. We play with keys and the door. He's a really fun guy. We also love singing and dancing and doing actions. He loves Elvis and jazz music. It's really funny. He will stick his arm, one arm, behin dhim and end over and hold it, and that's his dance move.

Some words he says perfectly are mama, papa, nana, ba (for bath), wawa, buhbuh (for bubble), go, da (for down), shoe! he said that this morning. Hi. Bye-bye.

He is trying to say (and getting close) to purple, thank you (he matches the intonation on that; gosh it's adorable), toes, belly, meh (that means airplane, for some reason). Meh! (Amen)

He folds his arms when we say prayers.

He's really amazing. He's so sweet and gorgeous and wonderful and funny. I just love being his mama.

Music and movement

Omaha Public Libraries have some amazing programs for little ones. I took Conley to a baby storytime today, even though we had just gone to the gym and I was mad at the girls there because at one point when I felt like I needed to go in and check on him, they'd put him in this little pen thing; she said he wanted to go in there. But he wanted to get out! Anyway I wasn't sure that he felt loved there, so I wanted to just hold and squeeze and love him, and he was tired and ready for a nap, but I thought I'd try this music and movement thing first. HE LOVED IT! He was the wiggliest kid there, out of the 25 toddlers. It was so cute. He was smiling and giggling and wiggling, and squat-dancing. That's what he did when we jumped up and down: squat-dance. It was so funny and cute. And he was wandering around the room more than anyone else! Whoa! I tried my best to keep him near, but would let him wander here and there because he wasn't bothering anyone. We sang and danced and played with scarves and did wiggle songs and read wiggle books. It was just the funnest thing, and he just loved it and my heart just sang.

That baby

Sometimes I just pick him up from his crib and squeeze his chubby legs and nuzzle my nose into his neck and kiss him and say, "You're a baby! You're my baby!" He's so cute. He's been walking everywhere--only after he watched Theo (my friends Melina and Matthew's two-year-old) walk around the whole night I babysat him and his big brother Shae. It was like something clicked in Conley's brain. He saw two other little people walking around and thought, "Oh! That's what I'm supposed to be doing!" It's been so cute. He still stumbles a little and he walks slowly, but just like his daddy, he's totally determined and persistent. So cute.

The other day (and this has happened several times), Conley woke up in the morning and Joseph went to get him from his crib. When Joseph carried him back over our way, Conley saw me in bed and started waving hi to me. Then he dove downward toward the bed, Joseph put him down, and he crawled up to me and just put his arms around my neck and squeezed me. It was so precious and it warms my heart every time I think about it. He is an affectionate little boy. He will snuggle up to you for a few seconds and hug you, and if you have a book, he will do it even longer. I could snuggle him all day! It's so cozy and warm and sweet and wonderful.

I'm getting my IUD out today, so hopefully in a few months we can start trying to get pregnant again. I can't imagine having another baby. I get a little teary in a good way when I think about another baby. I don't know if my heart can handle so much love. I feel like it will just burst. I love babies! I guess that means I love being a mom, although for some reason I'm scared to say that. I just love having a baby who is my baby. I love the love that I feel.

Sleeping beau

I couldn't put him down for his nap today I just had to hold him. And same with last night. We slept together most of the time. I didn't sleep the best ever, but I slept all right and it was worth it.  

I hair got back yesterday from the girls weekend in Tucson. It was fun to be with all my sisters and mom. I learned some things at TOFW. Lie that I should go into relationships and teaching situations and missionary opportunities with this in mind: "What if my only motive was to love?" I want to remember that as a mommy too. 

I love Conley so much. Honestly he seems to like Beth and Joseph more than me, but tinderbox hurt my feeling a too much. Because he will still snuggle me and he still kisses me and plays with me and lets me tickle him and wants me at night. He is walking! Probably like 15 feet at a time. And he stands up all by himself. He babbles a lot. We are trying to work Ina few things this week: eyes, fingers, more, up, and hi. It's such a fun stage!! 

And I'm ready or anther baby. Joseph says we need to wait until we settle in a house, and I know he's right. But I can't wait until that point comes! 

First birthday

Conley's birthday party was so much fun! We invited our close friends and lots of them came. We planned to do it at a park, but the weather got bad that day, so we changed it to the church gym. That worked well. Paul and Moira brought the BBQ and barbecued hot dogs right outside on the patio, and we set up chairs and tables inside. Some of the guests played basketball during that party, so it felt good to have people entertained. Jo Anna (my good friend from UNM) made a beautiful polka dot cake for him. He got lots of presents, including clothes, books, a tractor, a ball pit, puzzles, and a bowling set. Some people that came were Kayla and Craig, Britt and Brad Galbraith, Sam and Ryan, Cumorah and Daniel, Ashlie and her family, Jessie, the Macons, and the Petersons. And even Lauren and Cameron and Paul and Moira.

Conley was so cute the whole time. He was so happy to have tons of room to crawl and push his tractor around and just roam. He was really friendly, and he got to spend time with Grandma Moira, so that was good too. He was exhausted by the end of the party, but still sweet.

He's in a really fun stage right now. He's funny and sweet and so fun to play with. He'll play peek-a-boo, but he likes wrestling even more. He thinks it's funny when I lay on the ground and put something on my face. He comes over and pulls it off and I say "boo" right when he does it and he always giggles. He plays "which hand is it in" with Joseph and he loves that. He and I snuggle and read together a lot. He seems to be more snuggly lately and I really love that. He goes to sleep pretty quickly when I put him down probably because of the snuggles. He's getting more and more picky with food; or at least he just gets full fast it seems like. Our pediatrician, Wendy Fronterhouse, said that kids his age don't grow that much between 1 and 2, so it's ok if they don't eat that much. "They'll eat exactly as much as they need," she says. That is helpful.

He babbles all the time. And he is in a squeaking phase, which tried my patience a little bit. I get frustrated if he whines or yells, but I recognize that this just happens for a few months right before they start to talk. He is so cute about his syllables. He says l, m, b, p, and d. And for moo, he goes bbbbbbb through his lips. He makes sounds for cars and trucks and he loves it when he hears dogs barking outside. He knows where his head is, and we are working on figuring out where is belly is. He pounds it and does high fives. And my mom taught him uh-oh last week! He was in Cheyenne for a few days while we meandered around Omaha looking at houses.

Anyway. He's wonderful! And life is wonderful with him.

One year old tomorrow

Today I was thinking about my first year as a mother. I wondered if in the future I would look back and forget how it was. Or worse, if I would look back and think I didn't enjoy it to its fullest or look back and feel like I missed it. Well, for you future Breanne reading this, I can tell you that that didn't happen. Yes there were multiple times where I felt sad because I couldn't be with Conley, or relieved when he fell asleep so I could do some school things, or overwhelmed with my responsibilities at UNM. But I tried my very hardest to enjoy little moments. To sit and watch him as he played in the bathtub. To smile when he'd come up to me and want to be held. To break the "rules" (curse those self- and mama-help books) and let him take his nap on my chest. To soak in the view of the back of his little neck and head and back as he faced the other direction and played with the wooden block train my mom gave him. To lie on the ground and let him "wrestle" with me ("wrestle" because I wasn't wrestling back; what he usually does is come and sits on my head and breathe really heavy like he's pushing a wheelbarrow full of rocks, but really he's just digging his head into my armpit or giving me zerberts or sliming my face and neck with his slobbery mouth). To play peek-a-boo with him when I'd go get him from a nap (he goes up and down and up and down and giggles when he sees me). To respond to him when I feel like it, even if he is crying in the middle of the night, and doesn't have too much of a reason to get up. To tickle his toes underneath the high chair tray, or even pretend like I'm gonna bite them (he gets really giggly and wiggly when I do that). To teach him different consonants. To let him sit on my lap and bang on the piano. To sing to him when he's sleepy (he always relaxes and listens when I do that). To give him bites of my food when I'm sitting on the floor and he comes up to me and puts his little hand on my shoulder and stretches out his neck and opens his mouth (he's so stinking cute). To nuzzle (snuggle and nestle up to) him when he's drinking his bottle of milk. To tickle his belly with my chin. To let him sit on my lap and read to him and point to the pictures and words, and let him point too. To rock him to sleep at night. 

Gosh I love my baby. This has been such a fun year. Claire asked me what I've learned this year. I feel like I've learned how lucky I am to have such a fun, happy, friendly, easygoing baby. I've learned a little more about the intense love Heavenly Father has for us, and how divine the calling of motherhood is. And how I long to nurture Conley. And how he is my first priority. And how I need to do what I want and what my instincts tell me, rather than stressing about what research says. And I've learned to not worry about milestones. And that I am so lucky to have Joseph; he is supportive to me and spends such sincere, quality time with Conley. He's everything I hoped for in a father to my children. I've learned that it's so stressful balancing being a mom, wife, teacher, student. I've learned that I have to say no to things and not overbook myself. I can even say "Yes, but." I've learned to plan ahead and always bring extra diapers and food. I've learned that instead of thinking about myself, I need to think about how I can serve Heavenly Father--and follow His lead in doing so. He'll help me know how and who. I've learned that Heavenly Father loves me. 

We are having a little party for him on Saturday at the park. It's been unusually warm and springy here lately. It's really been lovely. So we are going to barbecue hot dogs and bring snacks and some yard games and have a little party for the boy. I am excited. He is so wonderful. 

Oh the passion, oh the fury.

I titled this post the way I did because Conley has become so passionate and expressive these days. He has a face for everything, and it usually involves some serious intensity: liking peas one second; hating peas the next second; going from eating voraciously like he will never be full--to being all of the sudden full and spitting his food everywhere!; scrunching up his nose and scowling his eyebrows and breathing in and out like he's fed up with life--he usually does that when he's bored; avoiding getting his nose/face wiped by moving his head around violently. He's so funny!

He is still my same sweet boy, especially in the mornings and at night. As soon as he sees his little white and baby blue soft blanket and has his binky in his mouth, he puts his little head on my shoulder and snuggles. I love it, of course.

He entertains himself really well. He'll wonder around, pull himself up on anything he can, and tap things, bonk his head repetitively (it's normal, believe it or not), or kiss something. He knows when he is being chased, and he'll either crawl the other way or come toward you, I guess depending on his mood. He's still happy to see us when we get there (wherever "there" may be) and sad to see us go (mostly me--which makes me feel so special).

I love him!! He's so sweet and perfect and funny and cute. Tonight when I was giving him a bath, he literally gripped my knees and pulled himself out of the bathtub. I guess he was done.

We are so blessed!